My Identity Crisis

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My Identity Crisis

Carla can't believe Turk doesn't know anything about his heritage, and Turk says it's because he doesn't really care.

Cox gets home to find a message from Jack and Jordan on his machine. Jordan insists that it doesn't count as her calling him because she made Jack dial and she's not talking to him in real time. She's going to stay with her mother for a whole week. Cox looks flabbergasted at this news.

Cox is at the hospital, and he offers to help Ted carry some files, but quickly abandons ship when he sees Elliot approaching, since he doesn't want Elliot to know he's being nice to people. Elliot says she heard Jordan is staying away for a week, and that she and Jordan text each other all the time now. After Elliot's gone, Cox helps Ted pick up his files, and discovers they're full of blank paper. What in hell was all that about?

JD vows to Janitor that he'll learn everyone in the hospital's name by the end of the day. JD thinks he can do it because he memorized all the bones in the human body while drunk in college. Janitor names the terms: if he wins, JD is janitor for the day, but if JD wins, Janitor will do his own job for the day. JD wonders why that's a deal, and Janitor says he'll actually do his job for the day. JD wonders if he even knows how.

Cox is wandering around, looking for people who need help. Of course, JD hears this cry. Cox gets roped into quizzing JD on people's names, which doesn't go well. Cox suggests that JD try mnemonic devices. For example, Ted looks like someone who would never get to make love to a woman unless she was dead. And dead rhymes with Ted. Elliot walks up and says that she knows Cox was lonely because he's actually hanging out with JD. Cox has no reply, and JD takes advantage and puts his arm around Cox's shoulders to show just how close they are. Cox can't say anything, because that would be admitting to Elliot that he's lonely.

Turk proudly announces to Carla that he learned some things about his heritage, like he's distantly related to the guy who invented peanuts. No, not George Washington Carver. The guy who invented styrofoam packing peanuts. Carla blurts out that she feels like she's losing all connection to her identity. Her best friend is Whitey Elliot McPaleface. And everyone thinks her baby is black. Turk doesn't think that's true. Carla stops a random doctor and asks what race he thinks Izzy is, and the doctor gets it exactly right. Because he's a geneticist.

Cox is whining to Elliot and JD that he used to be an island, and now he can't survive one night without his family. He also feels like he's losing his identity. So Ted and the guys start singing "Who Are You?" again. Elliot yells at Cox for whining because he's attached to his family, since he's better now than when he was the jackass that no one could stand to be around. Cox liked being that guy, but Elliot snaps that he's still that guy, but now he has people who are happy to see him when he gets home. Man, Elliot is pinchy this week. Is her underwear too small or something?

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