Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: B+
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The Hardy Whores Do Dallas

This Week's Motel Room. My Boozy Baboo slings a pointy chunk of wood down on the table and announces, "The Whore can be killed with that." "That," of course, "is a stake made from a cypress tree in Babylon." Unfortunately, "The Whore can only be killed by a true servant of Heaven." "Not you," Castiel glooms, nodding at Dean. "Or me," he continues somewhat listlessly. "Sam, of course, is an abomination." Hee. "We'll have to find someone else," Castiel concludes. And just who might that someone be?

Why, Father Rough And Ready, of course! Well, you know, if that immediate cut to his increasingly unnerved face is anything to go by. Father Rough And Ready again stands at the altar while his Whore of a daughter addresses what remains of the congregation. Long story short, she tells the assembled that The Day Of Judgment begins this evening at midnight, but adds that "there are still a few elements that need to be taken care of." To that end, she intends to provide the bible thumpers with a list naming the remaining sinners of Blue Earth, each and every one of whom must be taken out before The Rapture begins. Or something like that. Father Rough And Ready freaks, and drags The LYING LEAH WHO LIES to one side to scold her. "Stop it!" he hisses. "You're gonna get somebody killed!" "Let me go," The Attention Whore Of Babylon smiles, "or the next sinner I name will be you." DUN! Also: METAL TEETH CHOMP! Also also: Wow, she's wearing a lot of foundation. "It's at least an inch thick! You're strangling your pores, Miss Whore!" I think you need another cocktail, Raoul. "You're right! [Slurp!]"

Street. Father Rough And Ready meanders aimlessly about until My Sozzled Baboo flutters in to slap a hand on the guy's shoulder and whisk him over to This Week's Motel Room, where Our Intrepid Heroes break the bad news about his Whore of a daughter. Is that it? "I do believe it is!" Excellent. Next!

Outside This Week's Motel Room, Dean passes Castiel a bottle of...you know what? Fuck this shit. The actual, honest-to-God Whore Of Babylon is running roughshod over this pointless little town, and these two are yammering away at each other about their goddamned Daddy Issues? Go to Hell, Supernatural.

Church. Janiqua and Rob sling some unfortunate into a storage closet, where the unfortunate joins several dozen other hapless Minnesotans who have been rounded up in the last three minutes. "Okay, then!" perks The Whore, once the closet door's been locked. "Get the kerosene!" "But there are kids in there!" Janessa squeals. "All the better!" shrieks Raoul. "Burn them! BURN THE CHILDREN!" Honey, you know that's never going to happen, so why are you getting all excited? "Oh, poop! I never get to have any fun!" There, there. You just hush up and have another guzzle, 'cause I think we're close to the end. "Hooray! [Slurp!]"

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Supernatural

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