Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: B+
The Hardy Whores Do Dallas

"That's something you don't see every day!" Dean jokes, but his breathlessness and rapidly blinking googly eyes betray a sense of shock and panic that has yet to subside. The two shakily disembark from the Impala to approach their saviors, the most prominent of whom spent the better part of his thirties on some geektrocity inspired by one of the '90s' most egregious crapfests. Though, you know, I'm inclined not to hold this hateful violation of all that is right and good against him because he is, after all, awfully, awfully pretty. "Those piercing eyes!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, instantly smitten. "That manly jaw!" Raoul shrieks again, fanning away at his rapidly overheating maw with one exquisitely honed paw. "Oh, and that glorious mullet!" and I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you right there, friend of friends, for while the gentleman's coif is indeed a bit lengthy there at the nape of his exceptionally vigorous neck, I believe it falls far short of that particular hairstyle's rigorous requirements. "Well! I stand corrected!" No harm intended, Raoul. "None taken, I'm sure!" Then, shall I continue? "Please do!" As you wish.

"You two all right?" Our Intrepid Heroes' most prominent savior calls out as he steps across the half-dozen or so corpses now littering the pavement. "Peachy!" Dean replies, still struggling to process what just happened. The most prominent savior nods and makes to head back to the truck while advising, "Be careful -- it's dangerous around here." Dean's all, "Hold up a sec! Who are you?" The Most Prominent Savior pauses to rather pridefully reply, "We're The Sacrament Lutheran Militia!" Dean goes, "Whaaaaaa?" so The Most Prominent Savior elaborates like so: "I hate to tell you this, but those were demons, and this is The Apocalypse, so...buckle up!" Dean pops his eyebrows towards the sky and dangles his lower jaw in surprise just in time to get a great big whopping mouthful of...

...SPLAT! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shrieks Raoul, once more writhing about upon his overstuffed armchair with delight over the fifth season's endlessly compelling blood-burst of a title card before settling himself down a bit to shoot yours truly A Look. Uh-oh. You have something to say, my faithful lizardly companion? "I do! [A-him!] That was FILTHY!" Okay, houseguest, first of all: VOLUME. "Oh, I do apologize, I'm sure!" And second of all: You were thinking the exact same thing, and you know it. "Alas! It's true! I am just as base and vile as you!" This is why we get along so well. "Hee!" Now, do us both a favor and go whip us up a couple of your cleansing cocktails, because I've a feeling this tedious episode's going to be a real drag to recap. "Okay!" I love it when you're so agreeable.

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