Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: B+
The Hardy Whores Do Dallas

And while Raoul toddles off to that package store he's calling a den, let's rejoin Our Intrepid Heroes as they offer The Most Prominent Savior their demon-hunting bona fides by introducing him and his companions to the Impala's bottomless trunk. The renegade Lutherans are suitably impressed. "Looks like we're in the same line of business," Sam opens. "And among colleagues!" Dean happily notes. The Renegade Lutherans unfortunately do not share in Dean's enthusiasm, so he's forced to attempt to draw them out by admiring their police-issued shotguns and "inspired" use of holy water and such, but The Renegade Lutherans remain immune to Dean's charms, so he finally just blurts out, "Guys, come on -- this whole corner of the state is nuts with demon omens. We just want to help, that's all." "We're on the same team, here!" Sam stresses, backing his brother up before adding, "Just talk to us." The Renegade Lutherans pass around A Look Fraught With Significance for a little while until The Most Prominent Savior shrugs, "Follow us."

A short time later, the Impala's grumbling into The Renegade Lutherans' heavily fortified compound, at the center of which sits a homey-looking wood-frame church. As Sam and Dean disembark, a redheaded woman who will become important later chides her son, "Dylan," for attempting to sneak a pair of headphones into the sanctuary, and then the boys plus The Renegade Lutherans step across a prominent devil's trap spray-painted onto the sidewalk to enter the house of worship, where they stumble upon the triple wedding ceremony currently in progress. "Who thought The Apocalypse could be so romantic?" the rough-and-ready-looking pastor smiles from the altar, eliciting appreciative grins from his heavily armed congregation. Seriously, every single person in the pews -- even the chick who looks like a Century 21 agent -- is packing some major heat, which only Sam seems to find strange. By the way, the little board announcing this week's hymn selections features "EPIPHANY" in big old hateful capital letters at the top, so either this episode's meant to take place in early January for some stupid reason, or the word's cleverly hinting at Dean's shocking end-of-episode realization. You know, just in case you care. "I most certainly do not!" shrieks Raoul, at long last toddling back from his den with that cunning little trolley cart of his all a-clatter with healing flagons of every size and shape imaginable. "Where is the VIOLENCE?! Whither the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!?" I'm afraid there won't be much of either for a very long time, my scaly friend, so you might want to get cracking on those beverages. "Hmph!" Raoul snorts, two perfect circles of smoke popping from his mightily offended nostrils. "And to think! We're a mere five episodes away from this charming little Thursday evening divertissement's no doubt awe-inspiring season finale, and they're wasting their time on church!" I feel your pain, Raoul, and I am certain a dose of healing booze will do much to alleviate it. "[Slurp!] You're right! I feel better already!" Excellent. "Care for a hairy virgin?!" EXCUSE ME? "I mean the cocktail, you silly little man!" Oh! Oh, thank God. No, I'm okay for now, but by all means, don't let my temporary bout of recap-related abstinence prevent you from indulging, friend of friends. "Okay! [Slurp!]" Now, where the hell was I?

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