Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: B+
The Hardy Whores Do Dallas

...sanctuary, where Father Rough And Ready informs The Renegade Lutherans of a fresh demon lair about five miles out of town, and asks for volunteers to take said fresh demon lair out. That attractive guy from that awful show immediately raises his hand, followed quickly by the bartender, who smirks, "Someone's gotta cover Rob's ass!" which would probably sound dirty -- especially considering the smoldering glance Rob's now shooting in the bartender's direction -- were I not so dreadfully bored at this point. Our Intrepid Heroes also offer their services, but before anyone gets to shoot monsters in the face with rock salt, they must all endure the prayer Father Rough And Ready now offers, which pleads for the success of their impending mission. For whatever stupid reason, Dean bows his head to join in. Fortunately, College Boy's smart enough to ignore the pointless supplications in favor of spying on the congregants, and he notes with interest that the bartender studiously ignores the group supplication in favor of ostentatiously swigging from his hip flask. DUZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Demonic Lair. The boys plus Father Rough And Ready, Rob, Dylan, the bartender, and that redheaded woman who will become important later tippy-toe through the leaf debris littering the lair's front lawn with various implements of demonic destruction at the ready, including what appears to be an unnecessarily bulky and extremely uncomfortable-looking portable holy water blaster strapped to the redhead's back, like, does no one in Blue Earth own a Super Soaker, for Christ's sake? In any event, everyone goes all Tough Guy Jazz Hands with the weapons and such until...a demonically enhanced yokel jumps on Dean's back! DUN! Fortunately, Dylan's there to blast the guy with a couple of rounds of rock salt, and as the demonically enhanced yokel writhes in agony on the ground, Dylan babbles out that nifty little Enochian spell the preacher's daughter taught everyone, so soon enough, the yokel's expelling a foul stream of bitterly black demonic goo into the cool afternoon air. Meanwhile, inside the lair proper, another demonically enhanced yokel's attacked the bartender, but Sam's come equipped with The Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't. Luckily enough, it works this time, and that's two demonically enhanced yokels down with an as-yet-unspecified number of their Hell-sent colleagues to go. "I'm bored!" I feel you, my scaly friend. As far as action sequences go, this one feels slipshod and choppy, and it's not like we don't know Our Intrepid Heroes and their Minnesotan pals are going to prevail in the end, even with Dashing El Deano's shotgun jamming at a particularly inopportune moment while Darling Sammy gets his remarkably healthy ass handed to him -- again. "[Pout!]" Now, now. Don't be getting all sullen on me -- not when we still have more than twenty-eight minutes of show time to get through. "[Sulk!]" Just drink your juice, Raoul, and everything will be all right. "Okay! [Slurp!]"

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