Supernatural

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Demian: D | 5 USERS: B+
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The Hardy Whores Do Dallas

Anyway, the attention whore pitches a fit, and when she "recovers," she gasps, "Dylan's coming back!" "Zombies!" shrieks Raoul. "Hooray!" And trust me, my scaly friend, it saddens me more than you can possibly imagine to say this, but she's not talking about zombies. "Rats!" Nope, she's actually talking about The Resurrection Of The Dead on Judgment Day, and if that's a revelation to her, then that father of hers must absolutely suck at his day job. There's a very lengthy scene during which she assures Jane and Rob that they'll be seeing their son again, the upshot of which is this: The good people of Blue Earth will only find themselves among The Elect if they immediately forswear drinking, gambling, and premarital sex. "Dean," Sam notes as Our Intrepid Heroes exit the funeral, "they've just basically outlawed about 90% of your personality." Heh. Dean's all apathetic and such, which naturally disturbs Sam, but when Sam tries to get Dean to talk about it, Dean just shuts down completely and bow-leggedly clompy-stomps off to...

...the rectory, where he finds Leah lounging on a sofa, and oh, my holy God, this is dull, so let's cut to the chase, shall we? "Capital idea! [Slurp!]" Long story short, Leah tells Dean absolutely nothing he didn't already know about The End Times and the paradise on Earth that's supposed to follow Lucifer's defeat, and then Little Lord Pissypants feels sorry for himself --- AGAIN -- and then it's over. Next!

The Only Bar In Blue Earth, which is now utterly devoid of patrons thanks to The Attention Whore's recent anti-booze fiat. Sam ambles in and gratefully accepts The Bartender's offer to help him "kill some inventory." Mmmm. Dead inventory. "[Slurp!]" Shut up, Raoul. "Hee!" The two toast to better times, or something, and settle in for a l-o-o-o-o-n-g conversation that basically amounts to this: The Bartender is an atheist. Next!

This Week's Motel Room. Darling Sammy straggles in, moderately looped, to tell Dean that The Attention Whore apparently ordered the dismantling of the town's cell towers, and has further demanded that all Internet and cable TV access be cut off, the better to protect the good people of Blue Earth from "the corruption of the outside world." "They're turning this place into some kind of fundamentalist compound!" Sam shouts. Deeply Depressed El Deano remains apathetic, much to Drunken Sammy's dismay, and the two yell at each other until Dean's finally had enough of his younger brother's slightly inebriated ranting, and he grabs his jacket and bow-leggedly clompy-stomps on out of there, despite the fact that it's past curfew. Next!

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Supernatural

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