Adventures In Babysitting

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 8 USERS: A-
Dear Mister Hardy Boy, Play Us A Tune

And then, because stupid kids ruin everything, Chrissy comes screaming in from outside, crying out, "Dad, hold on! I got you!" Of course, Good Time Sally instantly recovers from her daze at this, and basically snatches Stupid Chrissy up by her hair. "Let her go," Good Time Sally shouts at Dean, referring of course to Waitress Marlene, "or Little Miss Sunshine, here, gets it!" Dean considers his options, realizes he has none, and proceeds to back off, allowing Waitress Marlene the chance to scamper back to the Vetalas' side of the arena. And with that, our lovely monsters of the week glower at Our Supremely Pissed-Off Hero until everything collapses into this evening's next CHOMP!-less commercial break.

Warehouse, immediate aftermath, and let's wrap this crap up quickly, shall we? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Excellent. So, long story short, Stupid Chrissy whimpers and mewls and moans and whines and complains until Good Time Sally moves to rip the yappy brat's goddamned throat out with her teeth, and it's at this point that Sly Chrissy produces a silvery blade of her very own from the sleeve of her jacket. D'OH! Sly Chrissy jams the thing into Good Time Sally's chest, and in what I have to admit is a pretty decent effects shot, Good Time Sally practically disintegrates before our very eyes. Waitress Marlene, naturally, freaks the fuck out and scrambles for the exit, but alas! Dean blocks her path, Sly Chrissy slashes through the ropes binding Sam's hands, and Sam himself rises to plunge Sly Chrissy's knife through Waitress Marlene's heart. Waitress Marlene also pretty much disintegrates before our very eyes and, after a quick, snotty remark from Sly Chrissy that references an earlier conversation I completely ignored because OH MY GOD THIS EPISODE IS HELL, we skedaddle over to...

...the nearest hospital for what I pray is this episode's denouement. There follows a lengthy series of conversations between Our Intrepid Heroes, Ian Tracey and Goddamned Chrissy, and the only way I could possibly care less about it all is if I were actually dead. From what little I can recall, though, Dean urges Ian Tracey and Goddamned Chrissy to leave the hunting business behind them as soon as possible, and then the jackass proceeds to walk away from them both before getting a satisfactory reply one way or the other from either. Not that it matters. I mean, do you seriously think we're going to see Ian and Chrissy again, ever? Yeah, didn't think so.

And in the end -- and after one final and completely unnecessary commercial break -- Our Intrepid Heroes retire to Dean's crapped-out Buick to motor on off towards their next adventure, and while they likely yammered away about their goddamned feelings for a good minute and a half or so, I'll be damned straight to Hell before I actually listen to what they had to say to each other at this point. Also: Steve Winwood.

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