Adventures In Babysitting

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 8 USERS: A-
Dear Mister Hardy Boy, Play Us A Tune

...that desolate swath of Northern Wisconsin so recently purchased by Richard Roman Enterprises, Inc., where we find Dean and Whackjob Frank -- here masquerading as telephone linemen -- casually surveying their surroundings. And while Dean fills out that snazzy little lineman's uniform of his quite nicely, indeed, I'll be getting to the point of this sequence immediately rather than lingering on his excessive amounts of pretty, thank you very much, because BORING. Long story short, Whackjob Frank almost immediately spots the extensive surveillance system the Leviathans have already installed around the field and decides to tap into it, so they might monitor the Leviathans' field-related activities from the comfort of his super-secret, super-high-tech RV.

Which they proceed to do. Well, one of them does, at any rate. You see, while Frank proceeds to monitor the Leviathans' field-related activities from the comfort of his super-secret, super-high-tech RV, Dean immediately falls asleep in a chair, thereby following the lead of just about everyone in this show's rapidly-dwindling audience. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" As you can see, Raoul approves.

Unfortunately, just as Dashing El Deano lapses into his very own Coma Of Boredom, Darling Sammy calls with the following bit of news, which he has no choice but to deliver to Dean's voice mail: "I think [Ian Tracey] was hunting a Vetala." Consulting Sucky John's demonic day-planner as he speaks, Sam continues, "[Our worthless bastard of a so-called father] took one down back in the day -- silver knife to the heart, twist, they're done. [That useless piece of human garbage we were forced to accept as our sole parental unit for so many years] says they're maladjusted loner types -- like to knock a guy out, drag him home, feed slow -- so, if Chrissy's dad got grabbed, there's a chance he might still be alive." "Be nice to get this girl's dad back home to her, you know?" Sam notes before concluding the message with, "All right, I could use your help -- call me."

Moments later, Sam's entering the truck-stop diner from the top of the hour to quiz Waitress Marlene on Ian Tracey's whereabouts. Waitress Marlene promptly LIES that Ian Tracey hooked up with the lady of the evening now loitering in the parking lot, so Sam trots on out to chat with the lissome lass, who happens to be named Sally -- or so she would have us believe! Muah-ha-ha-ha-hazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Yeah, I just can't with this boring crap anymore, especially because to surprise of absolutely no one who's ever watched this show before, it turns out that Sally and Marlene are actually working together to lure various blue-collar types to their doom, and Stupid Sammy gets his enormously dumb self captured by the pair after he dimly allows Sally to lure him out behind the rigs. It's all so enervatingly tedious, I can't even muster the strength to scream at him properly. Though, you know, did I call it, or what? These two dolts split up at the beginning of the episode, and one of them's in mortal danger by the second commercial break. METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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