Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys, Defeated!

Seems Ava's actually been in Cold Oak since she vanished from Peoria, and in that time has become The Demonic Miss America Pageant's "undefeated heavyweight champ," having dispatched entirely on her own several groups of three or four super-special mommy-free and -having children at a time over the last five months. And how has she managed to do it all? By carefully developing her powers, of course! Oh, and eventually shrugging off whatever moral qualms she had about slaughtering other people, naturally, because this is a kill or be killed situation, here, neither of her making nor of her choosing, and she just wanted to survive. So there. By the way, can Sam believe that Ava started out having mere dreams, for Christ's sake? Now she can control demons! Isn't that awesome? And look! She's finally -- finally -- summoning one now to rip holes throughout Darling Sammy's impressive fifteen-foot-tall frame, and CRK! Ooops. Seems Evil Ava wasted too many minutes jabbering on about herself instead of, you know, slaughtering people like she's supposed to, and thereby allowed G.I. Jake enough time to sneak up behind her and snap her neck like a twig with his Demon-endowed super-strength. Sorry, Ava! It was nice knowing you! Well, until you inexplicably turned into a complete dipshit there at the end.

Meanwhile, Dean and Bobby have finally arrived back in South Dakota from their Ash-inspired and entirely unnecessary 100-mile side-trip down to Nebraska. They arm themselves with weapons from the Impala's bottomless trunk and, because the road into Cold Oak's been rather effectively barricaded, set out on foot to reach the town.

Back in Frontierland Hell...oh, I just can't recap this. Really, I can't, because after G.I. Jake reveals he had the same sort of dreamtime visitation from The Ceiling Demon that Sam had, and after G.I. Jake insists Sam must be the next to die, Our Intrepid Hero makes a series of strategic mistakes so egregious, I can't bear to watch the gigantic moron go through them all again. It's all meant to prove that Sam's not lost touch with his humanity, or something, but seriously: D-U-M. And on top of it all, it's making me question something I was determined to ignore in his last scene with Ava, specifically the fact that when she clutched at her temples to summon the demon, Sam stood there like a jackass with that iron poker of his, fully prepared to swing it through the demon once the demon materialized, but entirely unprepared to bash the stupid goddamned thing against Ava's head, thereby rendering her unconscious and thus a threat to NO ONE. Oh, SAM. ANY-way, Sam tries to prove he's no danger to G.I. Jake, going so far as to disarm himself of that ginormous Bowie knife, but it's all for naught, as G.I. Jake's long ago bought into The Ceiling Demon's "Last Man Standing" schtick, and simply smacks The Ginormotron up with some of that super-strength of his, back-handing Darling Sammy through the air, through a fence, and onto his back in a distant field, where he remains, semi-conscious, until G.I. Jake steps forward into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!, and another commercial break? With only three minutes of actual show remaining? Go to hell, Supernatural.

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