Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys, Defeated!

And then, just as all of the '70s instrumental madness of "Foreplay" finally starts its long winding down, the fabulous Ellen Harvelle appears to remind us all, "Something big and bad is coming, and it's coming fast, and their side holds all the cards." Sly Sam detonates the trip-wire grenade much to the gagged and unknowing Dean's agony, as Voice-Over Sam insists to his brother, "You can't run from this, and you can't protect me," and Dean -- frantic, and on the verge of tears because he is a gigantic pussy -- near-weeps, "Dammit, Sam, this whole thing is spinnin' out of control!" just as "Foreplay" crescendos, and the screen slams to black with the "Foreplay" crescendo echoing through the darkness, from which emerges...

...Crackle, Crackle NOW!, Motherfuckers!, as the main guitar line of "Long Time" screams onto the soundtrack, and that was fabulous and fantastic, and Boston's "Foreplay" for the Crackle, Crackle THEN! leading into the two-part season finale? AWESOME! Even though it just took me over an hour to recap ninety seconds of actual airtime. Whew. "Let's watch it again!" Raoul shrieks, still giddy, clapping his paws together in excitement. You know what? Let's!

Okay, we're back. "Wheeeeeee!" As the main guitar line of "Long Time" screams onto the soundtrack, the rain-streaked Impala grumbles up to the isolated all-night cement-block Sunnyside Diner. Once Dean parks in front of the tiny little place next to a run-down pickup, he strips a twenty out of his billfold and flicks it at Sam. "Don't forget the extra onions this time," Dean orders. "Dude," Sam retorts, avec bitchface, "I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions." "Not tonight, you won't!" Dammit, Raoul! Spoiler! "Hee! Sorry!" I should note that the actual opening lyrics to "Long Time" hit underneath all that -- the ones involving the ironically deceased Brad Delp almost apologetically noting he should be going as time doesn't wait, and while he wishes there was something he could say, he's gotta be on his way. Make of that what you will. In any event, just as Sam disembarks, Dean pulls out his best Cartman imitation to shout, "Hey, see if they got any pie!" Sam pauses long enough to toss his brother another massive bitchface before slamming the door behind him. Dean, undeterred, continues, "Bring me some pah!" As Sam ignores him to trudge through the light rain into the diner, Dean croons to himself, "Looove me some pie." Heh. Alone in the car, he cranks the radio up and settles back in his seat to watch Sam approach the graveyard-shift waitress with their order. Unfortunately, just as the song's about to hit its audience-participation chorus, the radio signal squeals and descends into a haze of EVP. DUN! Dean foolishly taps against the radio's casing a couple of times before realizing exactly what's going on, and he whips his head around to glare out the Impala's back window for a moment before warily examining the stands of trees just barely visible from the parking lot on either side of the car. What he should have been watching all along, however, is the diner itself, for when he finally refocuses his attention on the place, everyone -- Sam, the waitress, the pick-up truck's owner seated in one of the booths, and the short-order cook -- has disappeared. Ooops.

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