Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys, Defeated!

The camera fades up on the ghost town's one street, and as The Ginormotron paces around a porch, exploring the place, we can see old-timey signs attached to various other buildings that read things like "Saloon" and "Dry Goods" and "Cobbler." I find myself wondering, though, about that old church visible at the far end of the village and why they chose not to make it a part of tonight's plot, but whatever. I've got about thirty minute's worth of exposition to get through, and I'm not going to let Our Gruesomely Impaled Lady Of The Super-Specially Damned get in my way. So, Sam wanders and wanders and wanders some more, peering into dirty windows and such until somewhere else, a door creaks. Sam hoists up a handy plank of wood and tiptoes to the edge of the wooden sidewalk, ready to brain whatever happens to appear around the corner,'s Andy Gallagher! Hi, Andy! Andy, quite naturally, is most dismayed that he's suddenly found himself in "Frontierland," and distressingly enough for everyone involved, the last thing he remembers before he woke up was his "fourth bongload." So, Andy's stoned off his Oklahoman ass at the moment and therefore of no use to anyone, so let's jump ahead to the point where the sound of a woman's full-throated scream hits the boys' ears, shall we? Especially because when the shot cuts to take in Andy and Sam hustling side-by-side down the ghost town's only drag in search of the caterwauling's source, Jared Padalecki looks like even more of a gargantuanly overgrown freak than he actually is. Hee. Poor Andy. Poor little teeny-tiny Andy. I almost feel bad about mocking Jensen Ackles's relatively diminutive stature all season long now that I have concrete evidence of what Jared Padalecki looks like standing next to someone of average height. Almost. In any event, the guys end up at a mysteriously padlocked shed, and after Sam breaks open the lock with a nearby rock, Ava Wilson comes barreling out straight into Darling Sammy's open arms and remarkably broad chest. Hi, Ava! Good to see you, too, even though I think I hate you right now for what you're doing to Our Intrepid Hero at the moment. Then again, perhaps I am jus jelass. Andy's looking a little jelass himself, actually, but we'll be getting to that in about two paragraphs.

In any event, Ava's shocked -- shocked -- to learn that five months have passed since last she saw Our Dear Boys in Lafayette, as she claims to have just now arrived in Frontierland herself, and promptly begins to freak out over the well-being of her fiancé, Brady, who must be absolutely frantic about her evident disappearance. Sam gets this hilarious "Um, actually..." look on his face, but before he's forced to admit that Brady's most likely a tasteful urn of gritty cremains right about now, Ava finally notices Andy's befuddled presence, and hasty introductions are made. "What's happening?" Ava finally demands of The Ginormotron. Sam hasn't a clue, obviously, through he does understand what all three of them have in common, of course. Before he can get them up to speed on the whole super-special mommy-free and -having thing, though, another voice calls out from elsewhere in the town, and the trio skitters off through the mud to yet another abandoned building, upon whose porch they find an African-American gentleman in Army fatigues and a lesbian who's way overdoing it on the eyeliner. Well, nobody knows she's a lesbian yet, because it's not like she's sporting a feathered, rat-tailed mullet over a sweatshirt for some bar-league women's rugby team, but she is way overdoing it on the eyeliner nevertheless. "Jake" and "Lily" introduce themselves, and it turns out they were abducted from Afghanistan and San Diego, respectively, though Lily The Lesbian seems more than a bit overdressed for the balmy breezes of Southern California. Normally, I'd give that a big, fat "whatever," but given the dodginess of the entire situation, it might be a clue, you know?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP