Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys, Defeated!

In any event, Sam quickly establishes the fact that all five people present are twenty-three-years-old, and then supposes they all also share "special abilities" that initially emerged "a little over a year ago." The two newest arrivals cagily eye Darling Sammy at this, then seem even more incredulous when Ava and Andy admit they have premonitions and mind control, respectively. Andy notes the alarm in his new companions' expressions and hastens to assure them, "Don't worry -- I don't think it works on you guys." "Oh, but get this!" he adds excitedly, hopping up onto the porch next to Jake. "I've been practicing -- training my brain, like meditation, right? -- so now, it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too. Like, anything I want, just BAM! People, they see it!" Sam by this point has become supremely bored. Hee. "There's one guy I know?" Andy obliviously continues. "Total dick -- I use it on him? Gay porn. All hours of the day!" "You should see the look on his face," Andy snickers, completely stoked. Pause. The others stare at him, all, "'re watching gay porn all the time?" Hee. "Looks like Andy just outed himself!" Raoul titters. I told you he was jelass of Ava, didn't I? "As well he should have been!"

After dear little gay stoner Andy sheepishly hops back down to stand next to his ginormous hero, Lily The Lesbian gets loud, because she's feeling cheated, you see. Andy can get people to give him their wallets, and Ava and Sam can predict the future, but all Lily The Lesbian can do is stop people's hearts just by touching them. Bummer. And by that I mean it kind of sucks that she's the second-rate Rogue knockoff of the bunch. And like the X-Person she's so shamelessly ripping off, she's become a virtual recluse ever since her power manifested itself. Nevertheless, all she wants out of the current situation is a one-way ticket back to San Diego, which leads to a bit of sniping between herself and Jake until Sam deploys The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Gentle Reasoning And Calm Determination, which make them all shut up until dear little gay stoner Andy wonders aloud who brought them to this ruin of a town in the first place, and Sam is forced to deploy The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of I Am About To Blast Your Previous Understanding Of The World Into Tiny Little Pieces, After Which All Four Of You Will Find It Exceedingly Difficult To Maintain Your Already-Tenuous Grips On Sanity. Or something like that. For you see, Sam understands that Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance must somehow be involved, and introduces the others to the concept of dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell to ruin all of our lives. Andy, Ava, and Jake gape, but Lily The Lesbian merely scoffs and turns her back on him. They're certainly setting her up to be the villain of the piece, aren't they? And not just because of her hideous misuse of eyeliner, either. "I've noticed that as well!" Raoul agrees. "But we're barely ten minutes in, so you know there's a shocking twist waiting for us right around the corner!" "Shocking"? "Oh, okay! But you can't blame me for trying!" You're right. Now, let's see what Dean's been up to, shall we? "Let's!"

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