Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys, Defeated!

Schoolhouse. Aftermath. Sam takes a moment to identify the specific type of demon that attacked G.I. Jake, but that's not important, because the group soon stumbles across the town's bell, upon which is embossed a gnarled old tree. Super-Smart Sam recognizes the symbol instantly and realizes they're actually in "Cold Oak, South Dakota," "a town so haunted, every single resident fled." There is no such place in South Dakota, and as that's all the research I'm performing this evening, you're on your own with the Googling and such. In any event, Lily The Lesbian's had more than enough, thank you very much, and demands they "get the hell out of Dodge," immediately. Sam cautions that they'd have to traverse miles of woods to escape the place, and the others agree that they should stay put and keep an eye on each other, but Lily The Lesbian is D-U-N done! "I have nothing in common with any of you!" she yells, accusatory fingers flying everywhere. "You don't know anything! I accidentally touched my girlfriend!" And I'm sure I'd have an appropriately obnoxious retort for that were I not so busy rolling my eyes. Still, two gay characters in one episode? Very nice. Then again, what the hell took them so long?

In any event, everyone shuts up at this to offer silent sympathy with their eyes until Sam gifts her with some actual verbal condolences of his own. "Whatever!" the teary-eyed lesbian, um, whatevers. "I feel like I'm in a nightmare, and it just keeps getting worse and worse." "That's still no excuse to abuse your eyeliner, my dear!" Raoul interjects, fearless of lesbian wrath thanks to those perfectly honed claws of his. Darling Sammy, ignoring both Raoul and Lily The Lesbian's woefully inferior makeup skills, confesses, "I've lost people, too. I have a brother out there that could be dead for all I know," and that raises a damn good question: Why would The Ceiling Demon slaughter everyone at the Sunnyside Diner before abducting Sam, but leave Dean alone? Just to torture him? How...petty. "Perhaps," Raoul suggests, "even Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance understands how tragic it would be to deprive the world of such beauty!?" I don't think that's it, Raoul, but thanks anyway. "No problem!" Anyway, Sam convinces Lily The Lesbian to remain with the group, and soon enough is leading that group towards what appears to be the town's hotel in search of iron, silver, salt, or any other kind of weapon they can find. There's enough babbling about Sam's strange selection of armaments and the general lack of food that no one notices when Lily The Lesbian lingers on the front porch for a little too long. Ooops.

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