Episode Report Card
Demian: A+ | 10 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys, Triumphant!

...Crackle, Crackle NOW! Once the flaming letters vanish slowly into the darkness, the camera fades up on an overhead shot of Dead Sam stretched out upon a bare mattress, and at first, the color's so drained from the shot that it looks like one of those sepia-tinted death portraits those morbid Victorians were so fond of back in the day, and that's a nice touch, but that's not what we're here for. "Of course not!" Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon vehemently agrees. "We're here for positively spectacular wanton acts of unrepentant violence and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Alas, my scaly friend, you'll be getting little of either this evening. "What?!" shrieks Raoul, appalled. "'s the season finale!" Sorry, doll, but tonight it's all about The Goddamned ANGST That Is Going To Kill The Recapper, starting right now with the mournful El Deano, standing wasted watch above his impossibly enormous younger brother's rapidly cooling corpse.

"Well!" Raoul harrumphs. "I just don't know what to do with that, but I'll try!" Oh, this oughta be good. "Silence! [Ahem!] First off, that should read 'The Goddamned ANGST That Is Going To Kill The Recapper And His Ever-Faithful, Glamorously Cosmopolitan, And Sleekly Chic Lizardly Companion,' you silly little man! Am I not as adversely affected by all of this nonsense as you?!" Well... "SILENCE! And secondly, Darling Sammy's unnaturally gargantuan corpse is hardly 'rapidly cooling' at this point, for if memory serves -- and it seldom fails to do so, I might note! -- Dean and that filthy mongrel of a man in the trucker's cap had to drag Sam's body through several miles of South Dakota's coastal rainforest before reaching the rain-streaked Impala, after which they faced a drive of at least an hour before they reached the scruffy ball of hair's junkyard! 'Rapidly cooling'?! I do believe the phrase should be 'tantalizingly malodorous'!" Oh, Raoul. How could you be so cruel? This is Darling Sammy we're talking about, here! "Sentiment should not obstruct accuracy! Besides, it's the perfect opportunity to renew my call for Scratch 'N' Sniff cards to accompany all future episodes!" That's a little foul, don't you think? "I do indeed! Which is why it's a perfect bit of marketing genius for the third season! Mark my words: That silly little Kripke person will be thanking me for it come next May's Upfronts when he finds this delightful little show has been renewed for two more years!" I'm writing it down, Raoul. I'm writing it down.

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