…And Then There Were None

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: A
Ten Little Hardy Boys
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Once upon a time, Rufus Turner showed up unannounced at Bobby's Emporium deep within the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota, looking to bury a body. A little while later, Zombie Grandpa showed up unannounced at Dreary El Deano's cell deep within the decrepit insane asylum Crowley was using to house his various monsters, looking to jeer at Our Intrepid Hero. And a little while before all that, Girl Campbell showed up unannounced deep within the sodden season premiere, looking to annoy every single human being on the face of the planet. Meanwhile, Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon took it upon himself to offer free makeovers to a variety of positively tragic brunettes, and he was so successful, his star protégée ended up with a multiple-episode contract for the rest of the season. "See?!" shrieks Raoul. "I told you I work miracles!" You told me nothing of the sort, my scaly friend, but we'll not be dwelling on that at the moment, as we must make room for the...

...Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! The camera drifts down through the darkness that follows the NOW!'s retreat to land amid the center island of a nighttime filling station, where it finds a middle-aged gent from the Starlight Cannery of Sandusky, Ohio, just now topping off the tank of his semi. The craggy trucker turns away from us to shove the nozzle back into the pump, and when he spins back around, he finds himself face to face with...Raoul's star protégée! "Doesn't she look faaaaab-ulous!?" Raoul shrieks again, and I must admit, friend of friends, that you did a fantastic job on her. "Thanks!" Now, be quiet so we can get to the point where this loser whacks his family to death with a claw hammer. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I wouldn't exactly call that "quiet," Raoul. "Oh, I beg your pardon, I'm sure! Please continue!" As you wish.

"Whoa!" the craggy trucker Keanus. "I'm sorry," Raoul's star protégée smiles, though I'm certain she's not actually sorry at all. Call it a hunch. "Did I scare you?" she continues. The craggy trucker's about to offer her various assurances that she did not, I'm sure, when he finds his attention distracted by her bare feet, and really, Raoul? You couldn't find a decent pair of sensible yet stylish heels for the poor girl? "Don't look at me!" Raoul sighs, one weary -- albeit impeccably manicured -- paw rising to rest upon his addled brow. "I offered her littrily scores of only the finest, but she insisted upon that...! That...! Oh, I just can't!" There, there, you poor thing. Have a sip of your cocktail, and I'll keep this moving, okay? "Okay! [Slurp!]"

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