Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Once upon a time, Capital-D Death gave Dashing El Deano his ring, Our Intrepid Heroes had several run-ins with Tessa The Reaper, Belthazor or Balthasar or whatever the hell his name is lectured Sam and Dean on The Value Of Human Souls, and Darling Sammy totally didn't want his nasty old mutilated human soul back because he was having way too much fun being awesome. Not to mention exceptionally tall and broad-shouldered.

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! The Impala grumbles up to the curb outside a small Chinese grocery, and Dean disembarks to double-check the address he has scrawled on a slip of paper. "You gotta be kidding me," he groans, because he's got problems with Chinese people, apparently, but he heads inside anyway to greet the grocery's butcher, who's evidently been told to expect him. The butcher directs Dean to the far rear of the shop and buzzes him through the door, where Dean finds himself at the foot of an absolutely filthy staircase that leads up to a set of even filthier apartments on the second floor. The door to Number Four presently creaks open to disgorge the actual, honest-to-God Freddy Krueger, who's here masquerading as a de-licensed physician named "Doctor Robert," who greets Dean with the claim that he "stitched up" Dean's worthless bastard of a so-called father more times than he can count. I think I'm supposed to be having some sort of overjoyed nerdgasm over the fact that Freddy Krueger is playing Sucky John's super-secret back-alley clinician, but I'm not, because the Nightmare On Elm Street movies sucked, and Freddy Krueger sucked in them, so let's get to the point of all this, shall we?

Dean's tracked down Doctor Robert because Doctor Robert will do anything for a buck, and there's an especially dangerous procedure in which Dean would like to partake. Before we get to all that, however, we must first meet Doctor Robert's comely assistant Eva, who's got Kathleen Robertson's doll-like features, Bettie Page's bangs, and Large Marge's charming and demure disposition. While Eva busies herself setting up an IV line, Dean and Doctor Robert dispense with the "preliminaries," which basically means that Dean passes the guy an envelope stuffed with twenties, after which the good doctor asks Dean to lie down on the examining table. As Dean complies with the good doctor's request, he produces an envelope addressed to "Benjamin Braeden" in Battle Creek, Michigan, and instructs the good doctor to mail it should anything go wrong. Doctor Robert glances at Ben's name and expresses surprise that Dean would not have something similar prepared for his brother, and with all that out of the way, Comely Eva pushes Dean down onto his back and inserts the IV's needle into his arm. Doctor Robert produces an enormous syringe from his grimy lab coat's pocket, mysteriously reminds Our Intrepid Hero he's "got three minutes," and jams the enormous syringe into Dean's IV line, thereby hurling Desperate El Deano into...

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