This evening's installment opens with Dean visiting a particularly shady Chinese butcher shop, where he quickly gains access to the shop's second floor to visit an old pal of his worthless bastard of a so-called father named "Dr. Robert," a de-licensed medical practitioner who, with his comely assistant Eva, agrees to stop Dean's heart for three minutes so Our Intrepid Hero's soul might summon both Tessa The Reaper and Capital-D Death himself. Dean's got this crazy idea, you see, that Death can rescue Sam's broken and battered soul from The Cage, so Death makes the following wager with him: If Dean can assume Death's regular duties for a full twenty-four hour period, Death will retrieve Sam's soul. Tessa, bless her, thinks this is an atrociously misguided idea, but Dean quickly agrees to the bet, and the next thing we know, he's happily depriving various lowlifes and businessmen of their lives while poor, beleaguered Tessa acts as his extremely unwilling chaperone.
Of course, when push comes to shove, Dimwit Dean finds he can't kill an innocent 12-year-old girl who's next on Death's list, and his refusal to follow directions leads to a cascade of unintended consequences that sees a hapless nurse slaughtered decades before her natural time, which leads the nurse's now-widowed husband to embark on a bender of epic proportions that threatens the lives of countless others until Dean finally caves and calls the whole damn thing off.
Meanwhile, Soulless Sammy's summoned Castiel's arch-enemy Balthazar for a consult, because the last thing Sam wants is that damned soggy soul of his shoved back down his throat. Balthazar deviously informs The Ginormotron that there is, in fact, a spell to keep souls from entering unwilling bodies, but the spell requires its beneficiary to commit an act of patricide. When Sam reminds the rogue angel that his worthless bastard of a so-called father's been dead for five years, Balthazar coyly notes, "You need the blood of your father, but your father needn't be blood." While any sane person would take that as permission to slaughter Zombie Grandpa immediately and with extreme prejudice, Stupid Sammy decides to go after Bobby instead, and everything goes to hell way up there in the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota until Dimwit Dean returns from his failed mission to whap Stupid Sammy upside the head.
And in the end, Death agrees to retrieve Sam's squishy eternal bits, anyway, because the second half of this season apparently revolves around The Importance Of The Human Soul, and for whatever reason, this requires Sam to revert to his aggravatingly emo persona of seasons past. The bad news is, Sam's squishy eternal bits have been so hopelessly damaged during their time down below that they'll likely leave him a drooling and incontinent vegetable. The good news is, Death can erect a "wall" that should keep Sam functioning as long as Sam doesn't scratch at the itch inside his brain. No, I don't understand it, either, but the best news of all? No more new episodes until February. Merry Christmas!
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Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! The Impala grumbles up to the curb outside a small Chinese grocery, and Dean disembarks to double-check the address he has scrawled on a slip of paper. "You gotta be kidding me," he groans, because he's got problems with Chinese people, apparently, but he heads inside anyway to greet the grocery's butcher, who's evidently been told to expect him. The butcher directs Dean to the far rear of the shop and buzzes him through the door, where Dean finds himself at the foot of an absolutely filthy staircase that leads up to a set of even filthier apartments on the second floor. The door to Number Four presently creaks open to disgorge the actual, honest-to-God Freddy Krueger, who's here masquerading as a de-licensed physician named "Doctor Robert," who greets Dean with the claim that he "stitched up" Dean's worthless bastard of a so-called father more times than he can count. I think I'm supposed to be having some sort of overjoyed nerdgasm over the fact that Freddy Krueger is playing Sucky John's super-secret back-alley clinician, but I'm not, because the Nightmare On Elm Street movies sucked, and Freddy Krueger sucked in them, so let's get to the point of all this, shall we?
Dean's tracked down Doctor Robert because Doctor Robert will do anything for a buck, and there's an especially dangerous procedure in which Dean would like to partake. Before we get to all that, however, we must first meet Doctor Robert's comely assistant Eva, who's got Kathleen Robertson's doll-like features, Bettie Page's bangs, and Large Marge's charming and demure disposition. While Eva busies herself setting up an IV line, Dean and Doctor Robert dispense with the "preliminaries," which basically means that Dean passes the guy an envelope stuffed with twenties, after which the good doctor asks Dean to lie down on the examining table. As Dean complies with the good doctor's request, he produces an envelope addressed to "Benjamin Braeden" in Battle Creek, Michigan, and instructs the good doctor to mail it should anything go wrong. Doctor Robert glances at Ben's name and expresses surprise that Dean would not have something similar prepared for his brother, and with all that out of the way, Comely Eva pushes Dean down onto his back and inserts the IV's needle into his arm. Doctor Robert produces an enormous syringe from his grimy lab coat's pocket, mysteriously reminds Our Intrepid Hero he's "got three minutes," and jams the enormous syringe into Dean's IV line, thereby hurling Desperate El Deano into...
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