Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

...Tinkle, Tinkle RAAAWWWR! "I'm bored!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, and if you think this is boring, my scaly friend, just wait until we... "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Goddamn it. The dizzy lizard didn't even let me finish my sentence. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Sigh.

In any event, once the tacky blue glitter tinkling is done, the camera fades back up on the Chinese luncheonette's interior, where Capital-D Death kicks things off by smoothly warning, "I'm busy Dean -- talk fast." "Ihavesomethingofyours," Spectral El Deano blurts, perhaps taking Capital-D Death's instructions a bit too literally. "You mean my ring?" Capital-D Death replies. "I recall loaning you that temporarily." Spectral El Deano puffs himself up with a great deal of false bravado and begins, "Well, if you want it back, then..." "I'm sorry," Death icily interrupts, never once deigning to look Dean in the eye. "You assume that I don't know where you've hidden it?" Thus so efficiently deflated, Dean flails about with a gaping mouth for a few moments until Death continues, "Now we've established you have hubris but no leverage, what is it you want?"

Meanwhile, Spectral El Deano's corpse is still rapidly cooling up in Doctor Robert's makeshift office. Was that cutaway really necessary? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" And I have my answer.

"Lucifer's Cage," Spectral El Deano spits back down in the Chinese luncheonette. "I figure you're one of the few people who can actually jail-break it!" Capital-D Death's all, "Yes, and?" Tessa, by the way, spends her time during this entire exchange mutely cooling her heels in the far blurry background of Dean's shots, but the daggers she's drilling into Dean's dimwitted ass with her eyes should leave him looking like an exceptionally photogenic pincushion by the time it's all over. In any event, Spectral El Deano reminds Capital-D Death that Darling Sammy's entirely unnecessary soul is trapped in The Cage along with Adam, their miserable bastard of a half-brother who I never thought I'd hear about on this show ever again, and Spectral El Deano asks Capital-D Death to bring both soul and bastard back to the surface. "Pick one," Death replies.

Meanwhile, Spectral El Deano's corpse is still rapidly cooling up in Doctor Robert's makeshift office. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

"What?" Dean squints in response to Death's last line, so Death spells it out for him: Dean can have "Sam's soul, or Adam's," but not both. "But..." Spectral El Deano splutters, winning himself yet another icy interruption from Capital-D Death. "As a rule," Death notes, "I don't bring people back. I might make an exception once, but not twice, so pick." Of course, Dean opts for the soul over the bastard, and I'm pretty sure that now we'll never be hearing about Adam on this show ever again. And because the script says he must, Dean regurgitates the following bit of exposition for the benefit of those in the audience who missed last week's thrilling presentation: "His soul has been in there for a year, and I understand that it's damaged?" "Try flayed," Death corrects, "to the raw nerve." Dean takes a moment to process the implications of that, then wonders, "Is there any way you can, I don't know, hack the Hell part off?" Death stares at Dean like he's just realized what a massive dumbass he is and, after heaving a tremendously condescending sigh, he rises to cross to Tessa's side.

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