Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

...joined Sam out on The Emporium's rain-streaked yet charmingly decorated lawn, where he finds an empty hole in the ground where The Horsemen's rings should be. Wait a minute. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ?!" Dean just buried the goddamned things in Bobby's junkyard? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" How mind-bendingly stupid is that? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Maybe Dean's been brain-damaged for all of the last six years. In any event, Dean sneaks up behind Sam with Death's ring in his hand, and they chit-chat for another minute or so under the watchful eye of Bobby, and in the end, Sam agrees to Dean's stupid plan. However, as Dean lopes past Bobby on his way someplace private in order to don Death's ring, he rather darkly murmurs, "Watch him!" in Bobby's ear, so you know. There's that.

Moments later, Sam and Bobby have returned to The Emporium proper, where Sam wonders, "So, is this the part where you pull a gun on me, and lock me in the panic room?" Bobby's all, "Do I have to?" and no, Bobby, you don't have to lock Soulless Sammy in the panic room, but even Soulless Sammy himself thinks it's advisable for you to do so, anyway, so what the hell are you waiting for? Bobby doesn't answer me, because Bobby never answers me. Bitch.

Out on the lawn, Dean slides Death's ring onto the fourth finger on his right hand, and he's immediately transported to a relatively busy intersection in a town of seemingly moderate size. "Wow," Tessa snarks, walking up behind him, "they just let any slack-jawed haircut be Death these days." "Well, you're all charm today, aren't you?" Dean retorts, and while I'm sure I'd love to transcribe every single syllable of their witty banter for you, my faithful readers, I'd much rather get to the goddamned point, already, so: Long story short, and much to her obvious disgust and dismay, Tessa's been assigned to function as Dean's minder through what follows. For his part, Dean is to keep his yappy trap shut and kill whoever's on Death's list for the next twenty-four hours. Got all that? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Good.

Elsewhere, Sam's somehow managed to sneak away from Bobby's for a bit, and he's driven the Impala over to an abandoned warehouse, within which he's constructed a makeshift altar, upon which he's placed a small silver brazier loaded with, like, dried flowers, or something. What? If they're not going to explain it to me, I'm not going to explain it to you. In any event, Sam strikes a match to set the dried floral arrangement on fire, and the instant the stuff goes up in flames, Castiel's heavenly Eurotrash friend Belthazor materializes on a platform above the warehouse's main floor. Fluttering noises appear on the soundtrack, and the next thing we know, Belthazor's transported himself down to Sam's side to glower, "This better be good." Darling Sammy clenches his remarkably healthy jaw and flares his extraordinarily broad nostrils all the way out into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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