Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

"Here's one for the list of dumbest things ever," Belthazor snots once we've returned from the break. "Summon the angel who wants to kill you!" "Desperate times," Sam gulps, echoing his brother's earlier attempt at joking while sounding considerably more serious than Spectral El Deano did in that particular scene. "I need your help," Sam begins, and that's unfortunately as far as he gets for the moment, for we must first listen as Belthazor upbraids him for comments made during their last encounter, about which I blessedly remember very little. Eventually, Belthazor knocks it off with the unctuous whining, and Sam finally gets to continue. "I need some advice," he confesses. "I need to know if there's a spell, or a weapon -- anything -- that can keep a soul out, forever." "It's for me," he admits, and Belthazor finds that revelation of especial interest. "The plot thickens," he smirks as he steps over to get all up in Sam's face. "Where's your soul, Sam?" Belthazor demands, and we get yet another rehash of what Darling Sammy's soul has been up to over the last year and a half with the special added bonus of Belthazor noting that Lucifer and Michael have likely been "hate-banging" the tattered old thing this entire time. "ZZZZZZZ -- Kinky! -- ZZZZZZZ!"

Anyway, and long story short, as Belthazor would be delighted to screw over Dean, he's more than happy to help Sam with the spell he wants. Of course, there's one problem: Sam must first "scar" his "Vessel" by performing an act so depraved that it renders his body "uninhabitable." That act? "Patricide." "My [worthless bastard of a so-called father's] been dead for years," Sam reminds the errant angel. "To be clear," Belthazor chuckles, "you need the blood of your father, but your father needn't be blood, comprende?" And here's where I got all needlessly excited when this episode initially aired, because I thought Darling Sammy was going to slaughter Zombie Grandpa. Turns out I was wrong, because this season sucks and wants me dead. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" And then there's that, as well.

Over in that moderately sized city whose name we have yet to learn, Tessa's busy giving Dean a few tips on how to behave. "Just so you know," she tells him, "when people die, they might have questions for you." "You mean like, 'How did Betty White outlast me?'" Dean guesses. Tessa shoots him A Look that would actually make poor Bea Arthur proud and carefully enunciates, "'What's it all mean?' is popular." "And am I just gonna magically know?" Dean wonders. Of course not, Tessa pretty much replies. "Then what the hell am I supposed to say?" Dean demands. Tessa shrugs and tells him to suck it up. Well, that was helpful.

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