Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

Convenience store. Your typical wild-eyed meth-head white-boy junkie freak brandishes a revolver, threatening to shoot the store owner's son in the head if the store owner doesn't hand over the register's cash fast enough. Dean and Tessa -- invisible to those alive, of course -- arrive in the middle of all this, and there's some momentary confusion as to the identity of the person Dean's meant to take until the store owner whips out a pistol of his own to blow a couple of holes through the junkie's chest. Tessa nods in the junkie's direction, so Dean steps over to loom above the guy, and then he just stands there. "Hello?" Tessa impatiently calls out. "Tick-tock!" "He's in agonizing pain, right?" Dean asks. That would be yes. "Give me a minute," Dean sadistically smirks, and then he stands there some more while the junkie chokes on his own blood, and after an agonizingly lengthy amount of screen time has passed, Dean finally squats down to touch the junkie's hand. The junkie immediately stops struggling, and when Dean rises from the now rapidly cooling corpse, he turns to find Spectral Junkie wondering what gives. "Why?" Spectral Junkie thinks to ask. "Because you're a dick," Dean dickishly replies, adding a merry, "Enjoy the ride down!" as Tessa leads the junkie away. Dean's an asshole, y'all. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Quit it, lizard. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Oh, whatever.

Next up is an overweight businessman, who's scarfing down a personal pizza on a park bench when he's stricken with a heart attack. Again, Dean waits far too long before bending down to touch the guy's hand, and when Spectral Businessman asks, "Why?" Dean prickishly chides the guy on his eating habits before sending him on his way. "Wait," Spectral Businessman insists, pulling himself out of Tessa's grasp for a moment. "Tell me what it all means," he begs of Dean. "Everything is dust in the wind," Dean replies. "That's it?" Spectral Businessman protests, justifiably outraged. "A Kansas song?" Tessa makes with some hasty apologies and leads the businessman away. Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaaah!

Bobby's Emporium. Sam returns, LIES to Bobby about his recent whereabouts, and settles down for a slug or two of Bourbon with his host. Next!

The Only Hospital In San Francisco. No, seriously. No. Seriously. They're using the same establishing shot Charmed used every single goddamned time someone had to go to the emergency room. I'd take it as a shout-out to myself were I not so busy twitching around in the throes of the particularly violent bout of PTSD this shot has triggered. On the upside, though, at least we finally know where Dean is during this portion of the episode. In any event, Tessa leads Dean to the pediatric ward, where a 12-year-old with a bum ticker's going through old photo albums with her father while kindly Nurse Jolene watches on. "The dad or the kid?" Dean grunts, visibly upset at the prospect of either. Of course, Dean's meant to off the little girl, and were Raoul conscious at this moment, I'm sure he'd be shrieking, "KILL THE CHILD! KILL THE CHILD NOW!" but unfortunately, my faithful recapping companion is still in a coma. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

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