Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

Naturally, because Dean is an idiot, he balks at this, especially because the father's a widower with no other family. "Who's next on the list?" he mutters, practically on the verge of tears. Pussy. "You have to take her," Tessa insists. "Says who?" the wimp challenges. "Death," Tessa replies. "I'm Death," argues Wimpy El Deano. "You know what I mean," Tessa shoots back, quite rightly not wanting to deal with any of his stupid bullshit. "Well, who tells him?" Wimpy El Deano barks. "I don't know," Tessa reveals. "It just is -- it's Destiny." Of course, that particular D-word sets Dean right off, and he rants about angels and last season's abortive Apocalypse for a very lengthy period of time before he flat-out refuses to kill the stupid little girl. "You know what's amazing?" Tessa observes once he's finally shut the hell up. "You don't actually buy a word of what you're saying." "Yes, I do," Dean insists. "Oh, really?" Tessa snaps. "So, all the times that you messed with life and death, they just worked out for you?" Many, many points to The Reaper, for a variety of reasons that should be obvious to anyone who's watched this show for the last five and a half years. Unfortunately, her meaning is utterly lost on Dimwit El Deano, and he again insists that no 12-year-old is going to die on his watch. Tessa just stares at him all, "You are such a dipshit," while Nurse Jolene wheels that wretch of a 12-year-old off to surgery.

Bobby's Emporium. As Bobby deals another hand of poker, Sam eyes a nearby wrench, and we can all see where this is going, right? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Thought so.

The Only Hospital In San Francisco. Dean and Tessa silently watch on as that wretch's doctor babbles, "Medically? I can't explain it. It's a miracle!" Or something like that. Yes, because Dean has refused to off the child, the child's heart appears to have healed itself. The wretch's father thanks the doctor profusely, even though the doctor didn't do a goddamned thing, and kindly Nurse Jolene walks right through The Reaper on her way out to her car. Because the wretch's operation has been cancelled, you see, Nurse Jolene gets to leave early, and she dials her husband on her cell to inform him of same before exiting the frame. "Come on," Tessa tells Dean. "We have more work here." Dimwit El Deano, who's totally fine with slaughtering a few old ladies because he is a massive cocksmack, happily trails after her as the camera leaps back up to...

...Bobby's Emporium, where Sam's just won the latest hand with what appears to be a royal flush. Bobby sighs and asks if Sam would care for another beer, and when Sam answers in the affirmative, Bobby turns his back on his houseguest to stick his head inside the refrigerator. Sam, of course, immediately leaps to his feet and tippy-toes over to that wrench he'd been eyeing earlier, and he's about to brain Bobby with the thing when Bobby quite awesomely pulls a length of pipe from the refrigerator's lower shelf and beats Stupid Sammy senseless. "I may have been born at night," Bobby grumbles at Sam's now-unconscious form sprawled across the kitchen linoleum, "but it wasn't last night." Bobby steps over into his office to retrieve a length of rope, but by the time he returns to the kitchen, Stupid Sammy's vanished. D'OH! Also: METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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