Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Death Becomes The Hardy Boys

We return from the break to find Bobby rather ominously loading a couple of shells into a sawed-off shotgun. "Let's not do anything hasty, here," he calls out to Sam as he steps through the generalized gloom of The Emporium's first floor. He carefully shuts and bolts the back door, but when he hears floorboards creaking elsewhere within, he immediately scampers into that closet he last hid in during last season's zombie attack. Soon enough, Sam's hacking away at the closet door's panels with an axe, and when he finally breaks through, Bobby rather predictably sneers, "Don't say, 'Here's Johnny!'" Sam doesn't, but what he does say instead is not much better, so we'll be cutting to the chase: Stupid Sammy has, of course, decided to kill Bobby rather than Zombie Grandpa to fulfill the spell's patricide requirement, and for that reason, we'll be cheering when Badass Bobby yanks on a lever to activate the trap door he so smartly installed on the likely chance he'd find himself trapped in that damn closet again. Hooray!

Stupid Sammy plummets into the basement, and while I initially thought he'd shattered his leg upon impact with the basement's concrete floor, what with that lurid little gash he's got going on one of his shins, he apparently just scraped it, for he's quickly back on his feet and charging up the basement stairs to hurl himself against the door. "Reinforced steel core," Badass Bobby quite awesomely shouts from the other side, "with titanium kick-plates. Get comfy." Stupid Sammy complies, slumping against the wall while Bobby shouts again, "You wanna explain what this is about?" Sam blathers on about his tattered and sloppy whore of a soul for a while, and the two yell at each other regarding the particulars of Dimwit El Deano's idiotic plan for an even longer while until Bobby launches himself into a monologue about Stupid Sammy's dangerous mental state, at the end of which he suspiciously receives no response from his prisoner. So, what does Bobby do? He goes into the goddamned basement. When did everyone on this show turn into a huge fucking moron? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" You're right, friend of friends -- why the hell do I care?

Anyway, Bobby calls out, "Ain't nobody killing me in my house but me!" and, cocking that sawed-off shotgun of his, he slowly begins to descend the basement stairs. Once he reaches the bottom, he again calls out, threatening to "blow [Stupid Sammy's] legs out," but unfortunately, that never happens. "ZZZZZZZ -- Rats! -- ZZZZZZZ!" Instead, Bobby spots a trail of blood leading back to the panic room, and when he cautiously slides open the peephole, he finds that Stupid Sammy's set up a ladder within to escape through the panic room's ventilation shaft. D'OH!

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