Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Have A Furry Fetish

That may be, my scaly friend, but we'll have to wait for confirmation of your theory, because the screamy bitchfest has suddenly been interrupted by the incessant bleeping of a cell phone. After Zombie Sam pissily notifies the world at large that it's not for him, Dean checks his own silent cell for a moment before realizing the noise is emanating from the glove compartment. "It's [our worthless bastard of a so-called father's]," Dean frowns. He "keep[s] it charged in case any of [Sucky John's] old contacts call," don't you know, so Sam's forced to root around behind the cigar box packed with fake IDs until he retrieves the thing and answers to find someone looking for "Edgar Cayce." Darling Sammy -- bless his unnaturally oversized zombie heart -- LIES that he's the gentleman in question, and quickly learns there's been a break-in at a storage container their worthless bastard of a so-called father rented in the Black Rock neighborhood of Buffalo. Needless to say, the very existence of said storage container is news to Our Intrepid Heroes, because John sucks, and he of course never told them about the place when his now thankfully dead ass was alive. In any event, the boys hastily set aside whatever plans they had in favor of a quick side-trip to western New York.

Meanwhile, Kubrick's parked his seedy RV off the side of some freeway somewhere, and we scamper inside with the camera to find him conversing with a dimwitted compadre named Creedy. The topic? Darling Zombified Sammy, and Whackjob Gordon's crazily unwavering hatred of same. Apparently, because Whackjob Gordon can't escape the joint to pull the job himself, he's tasked Kubrick and Ko. here with hunting down and slaughtering Our Dear Ginormotron for him. That's not really important, though, because the sole purpose for this scene's existence is to give us all a glimpse into Kubrick's somewhat unhinged levels of devotion to The Son Of God. Yep, he's got a black-velvet interpretation of The Passion prominently displayed on one wall, and Dimwitted Creedy's just discovered a rosy-cheeked Miracle Eyes Jesus in the kitchenette's cupboard. Creedy tilts the Miracle Eyes Jesus back and forth over and over again, as you do, until Kubrick steps up to snatch the tchotchke away with a seething, simmering, and entirely serious, "Don't play with my Jesus." "Dirty!" shrieks Raoul, shocked and appalled. Calm yourself, doll, though I suppose this is as good a point as any to note that tonight's episode was written by Ben Edlund, so expect the wacky shenanigans hinted at here to erupt all over your screen right about...

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