Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Have A Furry Fetish

...any point that isn't this one, actually, for before we can indulge in the wacky shenanigans, we must first follow Our Intrepid Heroes as they investigate their worthless bastard of a so-called father's storage unit. It's a dark and dusty place, natch, and the boys discover a variety of painted symbols inscribed upon the floor at the entrance apparently left there to prevent demonic sorts from entering. And what of those untidy blood stains marring the concrete? Why, they're an indication of the tripwire-activated shotgun Daddy Shut Up installed to prevent human sorts from entering, of course. Seems the recent robbers who desecrated Sucky John's secretive lair -- and yes, there were two, going by the footprints they've left behind -- stumbled across the thing, and at least one of them received a full blast of buckshot for his trouble. This did not deter the looters, however, from staggering past the various relics of Our Dear Boys' collective childhood in the antechamber (and what the hell kind of a storage unit has an antechamber, anyway?) to smash their way into the true treasure room all the way in the back. It's a veritable armory of land mines and shotguns and various other implements of demonic destruction. Oddly enough, though, they left all of that alone in favor of snagging one of the many, many so-called "curse boxes" -- that is, vessels constructed "to contain the power of a cursed object" so said power doesn't escape and kill people -- from the heavily laden set of shelves Sam and Dean find on the far wall. "Well, maybe they didn't open it," Dean hopes.

Well, they haven't yet, as we discover once we've shot over to a dingy apartment containing a couple of additional dipshits we'll never see again after tonight, these two named "Grossman" and "Wayne." Wayne's the one who took a shoulderful of buckshot at the storage company, by the way, and he's now draped across a tatty sofa with said shoulder encased beneath a pile of bloody towels. The gentleman bicker between themselves over Wayne's grievous injury for a moment until Grossman decides to break open the charm-bedecked box himself. The woman who hired them for the task, you see, promised them only a couple of hundred dollars apiece, and Grossman here figures they'll make at least twenty times that if they fence whatever's inside on their own. And so, having popped the lock with a screwdriver, Grossman slowly -- s-l-o-w-l-y -- raises the lid to find...a rabbit's foot? "EVIL!" shrieks Raoul. Dude! Volume! Warn me the next time, will you? And besides, what've you got against cute little bunny rabbits, anyway? "Nothing at all!" Raoul replies without hesitation. "In fact, they're quite tasty!" he adds, smacking his lips. "However, I do believe we just sat through an interminable scene in which those cunning lads of ours hinted quite broadly at the supremely foul wickedness of this mangy little fetish, so I feel quite justified in calling a spade a spade! EVIL!" Well, then. I suppose I should have been paying closer attention. Though that's a difficult task when this entire third of the episode has been so goddamn BORING.

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