Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: C+
The Hardy Boys Stifle Their Gag Reflexes

Somewhere else, an truck emerges from the black to cross a long, rickety wooden bridge, only to vanish into the blackness once more.

And somewhere else, Sam's trussed to a chair with a bag over his head. A hand reaches to yank it off, and Sam blinks his eyes into focus to find...the bartender! Um. DUN!? I mean, Sam did pass that guy a fifty. Maybe Sam was inadvertently giving off these "I'm way into abduction fantasies and a bit of light bondage, so once I ditch my brother here, why don't you haul your fine self over to The Adobe Court Motel and indulge me a little?" vibes. It's been known to happen. Oh, never mind -- it's definitely a DUN!, because the bartender just vamped out. Still, they'd make a cute couple. The vampire bartender snarls through his fangs as he stalks up to loom over poor imperiled Sammy, who bugs out his eyes in terror just as he's swallowed by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

"Wait! Step back, Eli," a woman's voice calls out. We get a brief glimpse of a vaguely gothed-over Amber Benson before returning to Eli, who slowly edges away from Sammy and allows his fangs to retract. "My name's Lenore," Amber announces as she quickly crosses the room to rip the gag from Sam's mouth. "I'm not gonna hurt you," she assures him, "I just need to talk." "Talk?" Sam snorts. "Okay, but I might have a tough time paying attention to much besides Eli's teeth!" He's hitting those fricatives awfully hard, don't you think? "He won't hurt you either," Lenore claims, "you have my word." Sam's all, "Oh, your word? Whatever, Elvira, you're not the first amply endowed vampire I've met." "We're not like the others," she calmly asserts. "We don't kill humans, we don't drink their blood, and we don't twirl tassels hot-glued to our pasties on national TV -- we haven't for a long time." Lenore herself might have omitted part of that last line. Sam challenges her assertion, because if the vampires haven't been twirling tassels hot-glued to their pasties on national TV, they'd be dead by now. No, no! Kidding! If the vampires haven't been drinking blood, they'd be dead by now. Look at you, with all your silliness. Lenore reveals they've found other sources of nourishment, which Sam correctly guesses to be the slaughtered cattle. "It's not ideal," Lenore nods. "In fact, it's disgusting, but it allows us to get by." Sam wiggles his eyebrows, but decides to play along with her for now. "Okay, why?" "Survival," she states simply. "No deaths, no missing locals, no reason for people like you to come looking for people like us. We blend in." "Our kind," she explains, "is practically extinct. Turns out we weren't as high on the food chain as we imagined." Eli interjects with some outraged exclamations regarding the late, lamented Conrad and Sam's role in the latter's death before Lenore tells him to put a sock in it. She returns her attention to the remarkably broad-shouldered gentleman in the chair and reveals she and her people intend to leave town that very night. All she asks is that Sam and his fellow hunters allow them safe passage and agree to stop tracking them. "We have a right to live," she argues. "We're not hurting anyone." Sam again challenges her, so Lenore leans right into his face and whispers, "Fine. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to let. You. Go." And I should say right now that I'm really enjoying Amber Benson in this role, what with the intelligent menace she's giving the character, which is in blissful contrast to the marble-mouthed doormat she played on Buffy for oh, so many years. Ugh. She draws herself away from Sam's fear-tautened face to instruct Eli, "Take him back -- not a mark on him." Sam darts his eyes around in confusion until we cut to...

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