Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C+ | 2 USERS: B
Off With the Hardy Boys' Heads!
Toledo, Ohio. Three young girls sit in a circle in an altogether unrealistically spooky room, giggling and playing Truth or Dare. One of them refuses to answer truthfully whether she wants to "make out" with "Benji Schwartz." I'm officially a reactionary oldster, because my first response is that these girls are too young to be talking about making out and should instead be playing with their My Little Ponies, having conveniently forgotten all about the lurid sexual lives I was busy creating for my tiny plastic equine friends when I was their age. My best friend Alison and I may as well have been writers for Skinemax at age nine. The "dare" offered is that Tiny Bitch #2 has to go into the bathroom and say "Bloody Mary" three times. Tiny Bitch #3 asks who Bloody Mary is. Tiny Bitch #2 is clearly making a play for the social position of Tiny Bitch #1, so acts tough and not scared of this dare. She says she heard that Bloody Mary was a lady killed in a car crash. Tiny Bitch #1 jumps in and says it doesn't matter who she was, but that when you say her name three times in a mirror, "she appears and...SCRATCHES YOUR EYES OUT!" They all giggle with pleasure and racing, scared hearts. Tiny Bitch #3 asks why anyone would say her name, and as Tiny Bitch #2 gets up to complete her dare and hopefully become THE coolest Tiny Bitch in school, she says, "Because it isn't real." Oh, I didn't know that tiny bitches could have such hubris.

Tiny Bitch #2 creaks the hinges as she opens the door the bathroom. Her candle flickers in front of the mirror. Her toughness fades as she faces her reflection and says, "Bloody Mary...Bloody Mary...this is so stupid" -- big breath, candle flickering more rapidly -- "Bloody Mary." Nothing happens. She appears relieved...until bangbangbangbang! She screams, but then realizes that it is just the tiny bitch gang pounding on the door. She comes out and tells them they're jerks, just as her father appears on a balcony looking down on the room and tells "Lily" to keep it down. She apologizes, and the Tiny Bitch Gang apologizes to "Mr. Shoemaker."

Cut to Mr. Shoemaker walking down the hallway back to his room. He passes a mirror, but doesn't notice that there's a creepy figure appearing in it, then we track him around another corner, past another mirror. This time, the figure appears in the hallway behind him. A small woman or girl, with bowed head, and long black hair falling in front her face. Basically, a direct rip-off of the creepy TV girl from The Ring. One more shot of the dad obliviously walking the hallway, and we pan in on another mirror and another shot of Naomi Watts's nemesis. Mr. Shoemaker looks like he'll soon be making hell!

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