Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 8 USERS: D
The Hardy Boys Go Native

In the backyard, extras mill about under a big tent carrying plates of food while Larry gives the boys the hard sell. He says that when he first saw this land it was "nothing but scrub brush and squirrels" and that he liked the development so much he bought into it himself. Larry introduces the boys to his wife and then excuses himself. The boys exclaim, "Ewww! Cooties!" A truly frightening monster elbows her way into the conversation, introducing herself as "Linda Bloom, Head of Sales." Her hair is pulled back so tightly her bellybutton is on her chin, and she's wearing a blazer with a realtor's insignia patch over the breast. Oh, WB. You've really nailed it this time, trying to attract the young men. Apparently Linda is the only other person that lives in the development besides Larry and company. This is a point that the show is at pains to make, and then, as we'll later see, at pains to completely ignore. Larry's wife leaves the boys to talk with Linda, who also mistakes The Hardy Boys for Chelsea Boys. This time, they don't correct her, and Dean turns around to go talk to Larry, asking Sam, "Okay, honey?" and slapping him on the ass.

In the house, Larry goes over decorating options with Dean; then Dean notices a couple of jars full of bugs sitting on a credenza. Hee. I just said "credenza." Larry practically spits out his explanation: "My son. He's…into insects." Dude, you live in the middle of Oklahoma, be glad your son's not "into" crystal meth.

Backyard, where Linda is going over the perks of having a "steam shower" when Sam notices a huge tarantula creeping toward her hand on the picnic table. A boy looks on from behind Linda, laughing. Sam makes it clear that he's tuned Linda and her lack of sex appeal out by literally pushing her out of the frame. Another reason to live in a WB show: instant and unquestioned termination of boring conversations. Which is not, unfortunately, to say that more lively conversations follow. ["Or that that the terminations occur in a timely fashion." -- Sars] Sam brings the spider over to the giggling adolescent, whose similarly shaggy-banged hairdo represents the deep connection he will come to have with the brooding Sam. The kid gripes that "Larry usually skips me in the family introductions" causing Sam to go all, "Ouch, first-name basis with the old man?" The kid tells him, "Well, I'm not exactly brochure material." Sam assures his boytoy that "it gets better," drawing upon his experience with not being brochure material for his own father. That brochure? Titled Guns, Ammo, and Sippy Cups.Larry rushes out, admonishing "Matthew." Apparently his oversensitive My Son Is Being A Freak alarm just went off inside the house. He apologizes to Sam about "his son and his pet" and then marches the kid back toward the house. Dean walks up to Sam and they both gaze upon the father-son drama happening on the steps. Sam thinks Larry reminds him of his own dad, but Dean isn't having it: "Dad never treated us like that." Sam scoffs, "Well, Dad never treated you like that, you were perfect. He was all over my case." Dean is still slackjawed about this comparison, conceding only that their father raised his voice when Sam was out of line. Sam licks his psychic wounds some more: "Right, like when said I'd rather play soccer than learn bow hunting." Dean finally gets serious: "Bow hunting's an important skill." Hee.

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