Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 8 USERS: D
The Hardy Boys Go Native

The boys take a break from their Tortured Exposition of Family History and Dean tells Sam that Dustin wasn't the first person to die mysteriously on the land. Apparently, a year ago, before the development broke ground, a surveyor dropped dead from an allergic reaction to bee stings. Sam nods knowingly, "More bugs." I have to say, I prefer McG's "More tits."

Back in the Metallicar, the brothers discuss what could cause different bugs to attack. Sam mentions that "hauntings sometimes include bug manifestations," but they both agree that they "didn't see any evidence of ghost activity." I'm sorry, but this dialog is cracking me up. Dean, brainstorming his little brain out, furrows before suggesting that maybe the bugs are being controlled by someone. Sam responds with a truly baffling indie film reference -- "You mean like Willard?" -- and later that day finds an invitation to a treasure hunt hosted by Crispin Glover in his mailbox. Sam, who is now inexplicably expressing skepticism about the attack of the bugs theory he himself invented, is all shrugs and "I guess it could be bugs." Dean suggests that maybe Larry's kid is behind all of this, that maybe "he could be our Willard." Oh, I'll bet you two are lookin' for a Willard.

Dean tells Sam to pull over into the driveway of one of the houses. I'd just like to know exactly how big these developments are, because they were driving the car at at least 30 mph during the entire previous conversation, and they are still in the same neighborhood. Guitar Riffs of Brotherly Hijinks play as Dean gets out to open the garage door and Sam expresses disbelief at his plan: "We're gonna squat in an empty house?" Sam, like me, prefers the convenience of Motel 6. But Dean wants to try the steam shower, which admittedly they don't have at The Six. The most you can hope for at The Six is to get a handicapped shower, which are really quite roomy. As Sam pulls the chugging Man Car into the garage he reaches out and slaps Dean in the stomach. Hott. Spooky fog zoom on the exterior of a house. Inside, Bellybutton Face walks into her bedroom and turns her television on. The news is reporting a county decision to spray insecticides due to a number of West Nile cases. Bugs, bugs, bugs. Linda has let her hair down, and in the process allowed her bellybutton to drop back to its natural location. However, apparently her "hair" isn't the only thing set free from that severe bun; a huge CGI spider comes crawling out of her hairline and down across her forehead. She seems not to feel it at first. One of the lesser-known side effects of Botox is actually that your face could be crawling with bugs and you won't feel it at all. When she finally does notice it, she bats it away but doesn't bother to figure out what the fuck kind of million-legged thing was just camping out on her forehead. Obviously, she deserves to die. Linda heads to the shower, where fuzzy CGI spiders start bleeding out of the showerhead all across the shower wall. Couldn't they sharpen those effects up a little? Linda screams, and busts through the shower door to try to escape them. Here, the one truly affecting scare tactic of this episode occurs: the camera shows just her feet trying to run but slipping on the wet floor tiles. Blood drips onto the shower floor and the camera pans out to find her artfully naked body sprawled out and covered with spiders. But really, what, exactly, did she just die from? There's "mystery," and there's mystery, people.

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