Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 8 USERS: D
The Hardy Boys Go Native

Sam tells Joe that something bad is happening at Oasis Plains, and they think it has to do with some old bones they found (hee). Joe tells the story that his grandfather's grandfather told him. Oh, the Injuns, always with the hearsay. So there was this village, and a cavalry full of bad guys, and "on a night when the moon and the sun were equals" the cavalry raided the village six nights in a row, killing everyone in it. On that sixth night, the chief made a dying vow that "No white man would ever tarnish this land again. Nature would rise up and protect the valley…and on the night of the sixth day, none would survive."

The boys leave the diner and do a few calculations, figuring out that the gas company guy was killed on Friday March 20 (by the way, the last time March 20 was a Friday was 1998), and that that was the Spring Equinox, "the night when the moon and the sun were equals." All this means that tonight is "the sixth night" and anyone in Oasis Plains is S.O.L., Native Americanly-speaking. And because there is nothing as great as emphasizing numbers and details in this way and then completely failing to follow through with any sort of plot accuracy, let us now note that it is still full daylight, in March, before Daylight Savings goes into effect, and so probably around 4 or 5 PM. The boys are 60 or so miles from Oasis Plains, and must get back to warn Larry and his family. Off they go.

Matt is in his front yard observing some crazy cockroaches spewing out of the ground. Am I the only one that finds it cute and heartwarming that this show could only get their hands on beetles and cockroaches for their bug swarms? Aw, the poor little show that could!

Commercials. The Hardy Boys are in the Metallicar still, even though it is majorly nighttime now. Like, how slow were they driving? Dean is on the phone with Larry, pretending to be Travis from the gas company and urges Larry to get his family out of the house. This doesn't work because, being in charge of a housing development, Larry knows Travis. Smooth move, Ex-Lax. As if Larry wouldn't be on a first-name basis with the freaking guy who was the sole witness to a horrific death that occurred on his property just a week ago. Sam grabs the phone to call Matt and explains the icky bug situation, which Matt instantly believes because of the Cockroach-a-palooza happening in his backyard. Matt is concerned about his family not believing this cockroach-a-mamie story, but Sam tells him that he just has to make them believe. At this point Dean grabs the phone to tell Matt that "under no circumstances are you to tell the truth….tell him you've got a sharp pain in your right side, and you've got to go to the hospital." Quick thinker, that one. The Metallicar zooms up to the house, but Larry is waiting for them. Apparently he's heard about them showing their bones to his son in the woods. And I know that joke is getting old, but it's just too good to let go. Apparently Matt has told his dad the truth -- and this whole truth/liar theme? Stoopid -- and he, surprise! doesn't believe any of them. Sam, helpfully proving my point about how fucked the timeline of this night already is, specifically notes that it is "12 AM." So, it took them six or seven hours to get back from the reservation? Wha? Why have him specify? Why? Why? Why? Leave the details vague, and you can get away with a lot, plot-wise. Make them this specific and YOU SIMPLY SEND ME TO THE MENTAL WARD.

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