Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Pull a Rabbit Out of Their Hat

Vernon's room. Our Intrepid Heroes are about to abandon their useless search until Dean's wandering fingers land upon a very old hand-drawn poster. A very old hand-drawn poster featuring a twentysomething douchebag with a freakish bruise above his right eye. "Look like anyone we know?" Dean smirks. The camera flashes in on the poster's carefully illustrated birthmark, then jumps back over to... upon the same birthmark -- Charlie's birthmark -- above the twentysomething's right eye. "Sweet Mary and Joseph," Vernon breathes as he slowly realizes who's standing in front of him. For his part, Jay has merely enough time to whisper his undead and freshly youthful friend's name before all three gentlemen magically vanish into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Main Stage, and long story short, Charlie's actually at least a hundred and forty years old, though in his present form, he appears to be about twenty-eight. You see, he used to shill for none other than Phineas Taylor Barnum himself, and Barnum was so impressed with the lad, he gifted Charlie with a grimoire, upon whose pages were inscribed actual, honest-to-Satan black magic spells. Charlie assiduously worked his way through each until he cast the final spell in the book, which granted him immortality. Well, of a sort -- he certainly was able to age, and he apparently can fake his own death in order to rejuvenate himself at the appropriate moments, but the hell with it. We're still seven minutes away from the end of the episode, and I haven't even mentioned that they cast John Rubinstein's actual son, Michael Weston, to play Charlie's younger self. Except for the part where I just did, I suppose. Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yes: Charlie's pretty much become the magical crackhead Dean warned about back in that bar scene I skipped through, and he cast various spells and slaughtered various douchebags to "save" both Jay and Vernon, because -- get this -- Charlie's never had friends so true as Vernon and Jay, and he wants the three of them to carry on as they always have, for all eternity. "That sounds pretty gay!" Indeed it does, my impressively fanged companion. Indeed it does. Unfortunately for lovelorn Charlie, here, Jay's having none of it. "Who else has to die," he demands, "so that we can live forever? What's the price tag on immortality?" Your answer, Incredibly Timely Jay, is just now arriving at the theater. "Not so fast!" Dean shouts out as he and Sam saunter down the main aisle with guns drawn. "I ain't Guttenberg, and this ain't Cocoon," Dean continues, and I suppose I should note that if you were Steve Guttenberg, Dean, I never would have started watching this show in the first place. But let's skip the irrelevancies in favor of advancing the action, okay? "Absolutely!"

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