Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 5 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Go Viral

Clinic. Aftermath. Mark warily peers through the front windows' Venetians at the ravening horde of decaying zombies scouring the flaming streets of ruined River Grove for fresh brains. Or, you know, he spots the two, maybe three guys in deer-hunting caps lounging around the parked cars at the far end of the block. "RIP-OFF!" shrieks the mightily disappointed Raoul. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean futz around with the arsenal of weapons they apparently had all the time in the world to retrieve from Metallicar's trunk while those three guys in deer-hunting caps continued to lounge around the parked cars at the far end of the block. Somewhere in the back, fluttery Nurse Pam shatters a tray full of blood samples on the floor and immediately begins to panic that she's infected, now, too. Doctor Lee hastens to assure her otherwise, and everybody descends into a hideously boring conversation regarding their current options, which apparently are few, despite the fact that they're being guarded by all of three loafing goons in deer-hunting caps at the far end of the block. Yawn. Eventually -- finally -- Duane Tanner himself comes a-banging on the clinic's front door, and Mark hastens to let him in, despite the fact that a blood-borne demonic pathogen has been ripping through the townsfolk while leaving no outward signs of infection amongst the afflicted. "All of the stupid people may now begin to drop dead," Raoul sighs, having recovered from his earlier gore-related mania. "And I regret to note that Our Darling Boys may include themselves in their numbers." Raoul! Heresy! Sort of. In any event, Dean confirms that Duane's the guy he offed in Sam's latest nocturnal death emission, and quickly hustles the guy back into an examination room so the good doctor might run Duane's bloodwork. Ominously enough, Duane sports a fresh gash on his shin, which he ascribes to a spill he took in the woods after fleeing from a frenzied cabal of his ravenous neighbors. You know, I've grown more than a little weary of hearing all these horrible stories about the frenzied cabals of ravenous neighbors rather than, you know, actually seeing some of the damn attacks, and you'd think...oh, the hell with it. This show can't get back it's many missed opportunities with this episode, so whatever. Let's just get through the crap they gave us.

In any event, Dean insists Duane be bound to the chair until the doctor determines he's uninfected, and the plot starts steamrolling towards a real-time reenactment of Sam's nocturnal death emission from the pre-credits sequence. The doctor reveals her study of The Widow Tanner's bodily fluids indicated the sulphur didn't appear until three hours after the woman's initial exposure to the pathogen, which...NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. BECAUSE YOU DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE SULPHUR WHEN SHE FIRST WAS BROUGHT IN AND SO YOU DID NOT SAMPLE HER BLOOD AT THAT POINT AND THEREFORE, YOU COULD NOT HAVE ANY KIND OF BEFORE-AND-AFTER SAMPLE UPON WHICH TO BASE THIS RIDICULOUS INCUBATION TIME THAT I SUSPECT YOU JUST NOW PULLED OUT OF YOUR ASS, AND FURTHERMORE, COLLEGE BOY HERE SHOULD BE CALLING YOU ON YOUR CRAP.... "Ahem," Raoul begins, delicately clearing his throat. WHAT? "Demian, my dear, you're not remembering your own earlier admonition to the audience: For the plot twist at the end of the episode to work...." Yeah, yeah, fine. You're right. It just...I mean...it...IT'S GIVING ME CHARMED FLASHBACKS, GODDAMN IT, AND THAT IS PISSING ME OFF. Whatever. Whatever! MOVING ON, SUPERNATURAL. I swear to God, though. They try to pull off another episode like this one in the future? They better tighten this shit up.

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Supernatural

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