Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 5 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Go Viral

Meanwhile, Dean's tooling through the apparently deserted streets of River Grove in the Impala until the bait-shop Marine sergeant pops up in the middle of the road to menace him with a hunting rifle. "Son of a bitch!" Dean shouts, grinding Metallicar to a halt and waving his hands around in surrender at the sergeant's orders. "Outta the car!" Sarge shouts. "Easy, big guy," Dean urges, still waving his hands around as he eases open the driver's door to rise to his feet. The instant he's done so, he whips a small automatic from, um, somewhere to point it at Sarge and scream, "Put it down!" "Put it down!" comes the equally loud response. The rapid-fire standoff shouting match that follows goes roughly like this: "Areyouoneofthem?" "No!Areyou?" "No!" "Youcouldbelying!" "Socouldyou!" It's more amusing than it should be, but that could just be due to the fact that so much of this evening's entertainment has been so dull. Long story short, Dean convinces the Sarge to accompany him back to the clinic, and the two arrive at an uneasy truce, of sorts, to climb into the Impala together, leveling automatics at each other for the entire trip. "Well," Dean snorts, "this should be a relaxing drive." "Oh, you've had much worse, honey," Raoul croons, and really, he has. Nothing could possibly come anywhere close to Samantha Ferris glowering righteously beside you for twenty-eight hours of back roads and no music all the way from Philadelphia to Bumfuck, Nebraska, Deano.

Clinic. The good doctor examines The Widow Tanner's blood under the microscope while Nurse Pam panics, eventually bolting for the outdoors to make sure her boyfriend's okay. Captain Empathy catches up just in time to talk her back from the edge, however, and it's then that the sounds of Metallicar grumbling up outside hit their ears. If you're finding yourself wondering why the boys would ever believe they'd be safe from roving packs of the rabidly infected in this flimsy little glass-fronted clinic building, simply remind yourself of the plot twist at the end of the episode and keep chanting: Our Intrepid Heroes must behave like complete idiots for the plot twist to work. Our Intrepid Heroes must behave like complete idiots for the plot twist to work. Our Intrepid Heroes must behave like complete idiots for the plot twist to...oh, fuck it. Where the hell did I leave my beer?" ANY-way, El Deano directs Sarge towards the doctor, then hangs back for a little processing summit with Sammy regarding "dee-monic" viruses. "I feel like Chuck Heston in The Omega Man!" Dean seethes. "Sarge was the only sane person I could find!" Meanwhile, College Boy's been poring through Daddy Shut Up's demonic day-planner in Dean's absence and managed to stumble across an entry regarding the lost colony of Roanoke. Seems Daddy Shut Up "always had a theory about 'Croatoan,'" specifically that the word was actually a demon's name. "A demon of pestilence," Sam needlessly explains, just as needlessly linking what happened in Virginia four hundred years ago to what's happening now in Oregon. And as Sam goes on further to claim that they must find a means of escape in order to warn the world at large, Sarge's voice comes bellowing out from the clinic's innards. "They've got one of them in here!" Sam and Dean race towards the back as Sam babbles out the sitch with The Widow Tanner. Dean responds by cocking his automatic once again, and I'm beginning to hate typing that word all the time. "It is rather a filthy sort of word to associate with that particular action, now isn't it?" Raoul agrees.

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