Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Lost Boys

So, in that truck, Daddy drives and Kate sleeps. Daddy notices headlights following him.

Back in the barn, someone that looks just like Bloody Alcohol notices a sound and walks around swigging Jack Daniels. I have no idea which vampire is which anymore. Their denim vests and greasy hair has blinded me. I feel like my grandmother in the mall, coming upon a gaggle of Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne look-alikes, skinny kids in baggy pants and weird hair. Weird hair, I tell you! Just when Bloody Alcohol or Bloody Alcohol's twin thinks the coast is clear, he turns around to find Dean right behind him. "Boo!"

Back on the road, Daddy keeps driving with the vamps tailing him but then disappearing. These scenes of him in the car make sort of a big deal of him looking into the rearview and noticing that there are headlights behind him. What fantastic talent. He notices when there are headlights behind them and then when they disappear.

Back in the barn, Dean opens the cage he'd locked up before.

Out on the street, Daddy swings the truck around to meet the Early-'90s Vampire Gang head on. Luther demands Daddy's name and he obliges. Luther asks where his friends are and Daddy responds, "Cleaning out your nest." When Luther asks about Mimpire, John drags her out of the truck, tied up in rope, and holds a knife to her throat. She calls out "dead man's blood," and John tells Luther he wants the gun in a trade, but not to kill the vampires with; he's saving it for something else. John instructs Luther to put the gun down or he'll kill Mimpire. Luther does as he's told and John tells him to back away from the gun. John shimmies forward still holding Mimpire and leans over to pick up the gun. Just as he does, Luther says, "Nice move, you almost made it," and Mimpire hauls off and hits John with her tied-together hands. Maybe you and your babymen boys shouldn't have spent so much time blabbing around like a bunch of whiny babies in the woods. Time just ran out on your dead man's blood plan. Can we get John "Hannibal" Smith on the horn? We need a plan that actually comes together for once. So there's some fighting and John gets thrown through a window or something and is lying there prone and ready for the eating. Like all villains, though, Luther approaches him slowly. I have a lesson for all those villains out there: when you have your chance, take it QUICKLY. Get over your damn selves and how proud you are to be sooo evil that you want to savor your evilness.So, just as Luther sloooowly approaches John for the kill, the sexy dancer vampire get shot through the chest with an arrow, and we cut to the boys running through the woods with cross bows. It's all very dark and vague, but they definitely get two vampires before Luther clotheslines Sam, picks him up, and draws his arm tightly around his throat. Dean approaches with the machete -- it is totally unclear where all the other vampires have gone -- but Luther tells him that he'll break Sam's neck, so Dean puts the machete down. Which he does while Sam chokes and snuffles. Luther takes this opportunity to deliver his Vampire Civil Rights Speech: "I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of vampires and the sons of vampire haters will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood." Blah diddy blah about how vamps just want to be left alone when Daddy comes into the frame and says, "I don't think so," and shoots a precious magic bullet into Luther's forehead. Luther does this exploding-into-rays-of-light death that really scares all the other vampires, who just stand around NOT KILLING HUMANS. La-ame. Mimpire is still alive, and gets pulled into a car by another lady vampire to go start their careers in Los Angeles. And by "careers," I mean "do their first amateur video." Metal Teeth Chomp. (I can't believe that was the resolution of those vampires. What wimpy opponents!)

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