Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Lost Boys

Mimpire then shows Luther the Lame all the stuff they stole from Elkins. She seems pleased with herself, telling her that she caught his scent and made him suffer for Luther. But Luther is not impressed, telling her she did wrong because now others like Elkins are going to come looking for them. Apparently Elkins did something to Luther's family. His vampire family? What? Luther then sees the gun and picks it up reverentially. Mimpire blabs on about how it looks like it was made around the time Luther was born -- old-timey vampire! -- and laughs that Elkins seemed like he was going to try to kill them with a gun. Luther tells her that "this is no ordinary gun." No shit, really?

In the Metallicar, Dean gets off the cell phone and says that their dad just told them to get off at the next exit because he's got the vampire's trail. Sam wants to know how and why, and when Dean doesn't have an answer, he accelerates past AssDad's AssTruck and then slams on the brakes, causing his dad to have to do the same. Sam and his dad get out of their cars and rush toward one another. Dean comes around the other side, and the shot is framed so that Sam is in profile on the left, Daddy in profile on the right, while Dean faces the camera between them. Sam demands to know the deal with the gun; Dean tells him the "Q&A can wait" and his father agrees. Sam yells a bunch, his dad tells him to get in the car, and he says no. Twice. Dean physically pushes his brother back toward the car, and Sam mutters that "this is why I left in the first place." Daddy picks up on the comment and moves back toward Sam, yelling at his son that he was the one that walked away, and he did it when he and Dean needed Sam. Sam yells back-- getting sloppy-emotion-lips -- "You're the one who said 'don't come back.' You closed that door." Dean jumps in, begging them to stop, and in trying to separate them it appears that their dad has a vise-grip on Sam's shirt. Dean yells at both of them "that's enough!" and they go back to their respective cars, leaving Dean alone to mutter, "Terrific."Lesbian Vampire Make-Out Alert! Lots of panting and overly loud smacking as shirtless Luther (certainly we couldn't expect him to part with his favorite stonewasheds) stands between Mimpire's legs and takes her shirt off. Mimpire glances over his shoulder and notices that 911 girl is still sitting there, purposefully averting her glance. Luther turns around and asks, "You like to watch, huh?" which just goes to show how uneducated vampires are, like they can't even pick up on context clues like how she is actually TIED UP there, and so isn't really liking anything at the moment. Shirtless Luther sends Shirtless Mimpire over to the girl, who shakes and cries and asks, "Are you going to make me put on jeans like that?" Oh, I kid. She asks if they're going to kill her. Sure, but not before WOOT! WOOT! Lesbian Vampire Make-Out Time! WOOT! WOOT! Mimpire does some annoying scatting at 911 girl about how very high she's gonna take her (snaps, snaps, snaps), Luther slices a knife across Mimpire's wrist to draw blood, Mimpire licks her own blood and straddles the girl and kisses her. And this is sensational how? Luther stands over them and says, "Welcome home, baby." So, she's switched teams. And so easily! See, Pat Buchanan is right about lesbians. And he's maybe even right about vampires. Metal Teeth Chomp.

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