Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Lost Boys

Daytime. The Winchester Three stake out the barn, where Luther opens the door for another vampire who apparently stayed out too late. Dean expresses dismay that vampires can go around during the day. Daddy clarifies that direct sunlight just hurts them like a nasty sunburn and that they can only be killed by beheading. He goes on, saying that though they sleep during the day, they will wake up. Has anybody ever heard of a vampire that WOULDN'T wake up during the day? They've taken it too far, trying to debunk that which has never before been bunked.

They each open their respective trunks. I tried, but could not find another way to express that. So, of course, Daddy is all show-offy with his guns, and as Dean offers him the use of "an extra machete" -- which looks to be about a foot long -- Daddy of course unsheaths a three-foot-long machete and says he'll be okay. Paging Dr. Freud. Dr. Freud, please report to my television. Lots of leaning and sighing before Daddy asks if they really want to know about the gun. Um, yes? It's a legend, and it goes like this: in 1835, the night that Halley's Comet was overhead and "those men died at the Alamo." That's funny, because the Battle of the Alamo happened on March 6, 1836. SO EASY TO FIND THIS SHIT OUT. So, a vague vignette of old-timey hands fashioning an old-timey gun plays while we listen to Daddy's bullshit. Samuel Colt made this special gun for a hunter on horseback. He made 13 bullets, and used half of them before disappearing with the gun. Close-up of the gun, which is intricately carved, and bears the phrase "non timeho mala." Loosely translated, something like "Not to fear evil," though I have no idea if it is conjugated correctly, having wasted the brain space I could have used on Latin watching My Two Dads. ["I don't think it's Latin anyway, so don't feel bad." -- Sars] Anyhow: the gun can kill anything. The boys realize why their dad is after it -- to kill whatever it is that killed their mother. Gulping all around.Pan flutes toot exotically as the Winchester Three break into the vampire nest. All the vampires are asleep in hammocks, just like sailors! This scene rocks, what with all the walking around and looking. Dean and Sam act like total amateurs, knocking into shit and making lots of noise, and heading straight for the bitch who clearly just got turned into a vampire. Dean makes a racket locking up a cage (with who in it? I'm not sure, and we won't ever find out), and then Sam wakes up 911 girl, telling her he's here to help her. She screams her damn vampire head off, and it occurs to me that they cut that scary shot of her morphed face screaming that was in the previous week's promo. Too bad. The vampires all rouse; Luther finds Daddy standing above his bed and throws him across the room. Sam tosses a bottle through a window and the boys haul ass out of there. Once outside, they look behind for their father, who is a little while in coming. He lectures them once again: "They won't follow now, they'll wait for night. Once a vampire has your scent, it's for life." When Dean asks what they do now, Daddy nonsensically replies, "You gotta find the nearest funeral home." Dean makes his yoips?! face again.

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