Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 4 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Full-On Swayze That Mother. Again.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Once again, before we begin, Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon would like to make an announcement. "Thanks! [A-him!] Umami can be my Mamí any time she wants!" Raoul! "What?!" That's... that's... oh, never mind.

Rattle, Rattle BLOOD-RED THEN! Let's see: Back at the very beginning of the season, we met the sassy and irrepressible Show Barnes whom, as you'll recall, continued to be "the best damn psychic" in her never-named state even after my sweet baboo Castiel seared the eyes right out of her skull. Later, a dark demonic force sent straight from the flaming maw of Hell named Alastair renewed his acquaintance with Dashing El Deano, who apparently fell under Alastair's tutelage during his hiatus-long sojourn in the realm down under, and you'll understand why Our Intrepid Hero was most displeased to see the slimy, slithery gent topside when I remind you of Alastair's horrifically aggravating and entirely unnecessary Brando impersonation. Around the same time, Pete's secretary from Mad Men popped up to remind everyone that Lilith's trying to break sixty-six seals in order to raise Lucifer himself, and still later, when last we saw Our Dear Boys, a succulent siren forced the two to unleash streams of bitter, bitter honesty in each other's direction, and Dean was all, "BRENDA BLETHYN!" and Darling Sammy was all, "Whatever, pussy!" before they knocked the snot out of each other, after which they enjoyed some cool and refreshing Coca-Cola beneath Bedford, Iowa's opulently scenic Skybridge while attempting to dismiss the nasty and true things said the night before as "just the siren's spell talking." Got all that? Excellent. Now shut the hell up for the...

...Slashy, Slashy NOW! As the NOW! advances forward to vanish back into the darkness from which it emerged, the camera fades up on the glorious, wooly-headed neon sign outside the delightfully alliterative "Bison Bud's Bar" just as two of the locals -- including, I'm sure, the great state of Wyoming's only African-American resident -- emerge after a pleasant evening spent knocking back a few whilst watching some sort of sporting entertainment or another on the bar's TV. The two middle-aged gents banter about the details of the game just passed and have barely reached the bar's parking lot when... the meth-head who'd been lurking in the shadows this entire time attacks! DUN! Well, actually, the meth-head just asks them for some change, and it's only after the boozy gent who is not Wyoming's only African-American resident gives the kid a wary once-over before shrugging, "Sorry," that the meth-head whips a Saturday night special from the waistband of his pants and demands their wallets. The boozy bar gents make with the placating hands for a second but unfortunately for them, one of the bar's adolescent kitchen workers -- who'd been taking out the trash, don't you know -- chooses this moment to get all skittish and lets the parking lot Dumpster slam shut with a terrific BANG. This, of course, freaks out the meth-head, who jumps at the unexpected noise, and in the process, he inadvertently squeezes off a round from his cheap handgun that ends up embedding itself in the white guy's chest. "VIOLENCE!" shrieks Raoul, ecstatic to witness such vicious behavior so early in the episode. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Um. Raoul? "WHAT?!" Yikes. No need to get snappish, and I apologize for interrupting you in mid-writhe, but you do understand that there's no gore to be had in this sequence, yes? "I'll pretend I did not just hear you say that, thank you very much!" But... "SILENCE!" Ow! Okay! Okay! Fine, go back to your writhing atop your overstuffed armchair even though this scene doesn't deserve such exertions on your part. See if I care. "I will, no thanks to you, and I will not! So there!" It's going to be a long night.

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