Sam and Dean get back to the Lair o' Letters to find Kevin in a tizzy because all the ancient computers and gizmos went insane and then shut down. They assure him everything is fine and that the cliffhangers almost always make things look much scarier than they really are. Kevin calms down a bit, then loses his shit all over again when he learns that the brothers plan to keep Crowley in the torture dungeon. This is the demon that killed his mother, kept him prisoner and probably tried out terrible "moose and squirrel" material on him. The brothers tell him to just stay away from Crowley and ignore him, because right now they've got more pressing problems.
That's because Abaddon's lackeys have retrieved and revived her charred meatsuit so that she can whip a bunch of lazy demons into shape. She is like the most gorgeous and terrifying drill sergeant ever. She even gets strapping new soldier meatsuits for her budding minions, all in the quest to take Hell back from Crowley. Some of the demons are wary and want to have proof that the King of Hell is no longer in charge before they side with Abaddon. So she kidnaps a couple of hunters and then tells the Winchesters to come rescue them or else.
So the brothers race off (from Kansas to Oregon!) to do battle with Abaddon and her demons, and they have no idea what they're doing to do. Oddly enough, Sam seems perfectly happy with this. No moping, no protesting, no nostril-flaring lectures. Ezekiel is mending his personality along with his body, right? The demons demand they give up Crowley. Dean tries to quip his way out of the situation, but things are looking dire. Just when the demons are about to best the brothers (because of the "no plan" thing), Zeke flares up like an angelic rash and takes over. Abaddon scrams and her demons die, and Zeke wipes Sam's memory of the little skirmish.
Upon returning to the LOL, Sam and Dean learn that Kevin has been torturing Crowley for information about his mom. Crowley -- that kinky dog -- kind of likes the physical stuff, so he tells Kevin his mother is still alive somewhere. Kevin wants to go find her, but Dean persuades him to stay. In all likelihood, Crowley is lying and Kevin the valuable prophet will just get himself nabbed by someone else. Plus, they're a family, Dean says. You, me, Sam, Cass... all family! Uh... speaking of that hot, laundering angel, just where is he? For all Dean's worry last week, this week he acts like Castiel's absence is no biggie. Squishy, naïve, brand-new human, all on his own? He'll be totally fine! Stay tuned for the full recap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Then! the Winchesters met a demon named Abaddon, who wore a fabulous meat suit that looked like Alaina Huffman with perfect red hair. But she wasn't just your everyday, run-of-the-mill demon, oh no! She was a Knight of Hell, which meant she was in tight with Lucifer and probably got special parking privileges, and whatnot. Having missed out on the last 50 years due to an iffy plot twist, she was somewhat shocked and dismayed to discover that Crowley had assumed control of Hell. She was poised to crush Crowley like a bug beneath her boot, but Sam needed the ersatz king so he could finish his final "Hell Gate" trial. So he set Abaddon on fire and forced her to abandon her fabulous meat suit. No-o-o-o! Dean interrupted that last trial so that Sam wouldn't die, but then baby bro almost died anyway. Dean sent out a distress call to all angels, and got his ass kicked pretty badly as a result. Lucky for him, a helpful angel named Ezekiel also answered his call and crawled all up into Sam to heal him from within. Unfortunately, this required a bit of trickery and a complete lack of understanding of the concept of consent, but whatever. We got an unintentionally and robotically hilarious version of Sam as controlled by Ezekiel, so it was all worth it, even if Dean did feel terribly guilty about it.
Now! In a quaint little boarded-up house, in a quaint little unnamed town, a man drags an occupied body bag across a dusty, leaf-strewn floor. He carefully arranges the bag in a disgustingly stained bathtub and unzips it just enough to expose the occupant's scorched, skeletal arm.
At the same time, Dean has decided to stretch out on a picnic table at some rest stop on the way home. Did an extra angel crawl up inside Dean while nobody was looking? Because even though we're only a day or so past his face getting turned into cube steak, he now bears nary a scratch on his handsome mug. His complexion even glows like he just stepped out of the spa, for crying out loud. He and Sam have been talking over the latest. "So, what, Cass is human?" Sam asks. "Ish," Dean clarifies. "I mean, he's got no grace, no wings, no... harp, or whatever the hell else he had." Sam's a little worried about Castiel making it all the way from Colorado to the Lair o' Letters on his own, but Dean seems oddly unconcerned for someone who just recently felt sure the angels were about to wreak havoc on the guy. "If things go all Breaking Bad, he knows our number," Dean says. Fat lot of good a phone will do him if angels pop up behind him and give him more concussions.
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