Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 2 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys And The Case Of The Idiot Children

Cut to a squeaky, panel-sided mini-van squealing up into the dirt parking lot of an abandoned-looking roadhouse that's helpfully named "ROADHOUSE," if that sign above the porch is anything to go by. On the radio in Van Morrison (and the Trademark Without Pity goes to fadedfireflies for that one)? The mellow melodies of Miss Toni Tenille crooning "Do That To Me One More Time." Hee. "I feel like a friggin' soccer mom!" Dean grumbles as he disembarks. Sam needlessly reminds his brother that Van Morrison was the only piece of automotive transport Bobby had available at the moment as the two check out the ROADHOUSE. Not receiving any answer to their repeated shouts, they decide to pick the lock, which Dean does quite easily with the little lock-picking kit Sammy remembered to bring along. The boys ease themselves into the bar just as the bug zapper electrocutes yet another fly, so we know the place hasn't been left to ruin, despite its neglected façade. They spot a drunk passed out on the pool table, quickly agree the gent likely isn't Ellen, and split up to investigate further. As Sam vanishes into the back rooms, Dean ambles around the bar proper until some old-timey guitar twangs on the soundtrack as the business end of a shotgun finds its way into the middle of his back. "Please let that be a rifle," Dean jokes as the thing is loudly cocked behind him. "Nah, I'm just real happy to see you," Alona Tal smirks as the camera swings around Dean's body to take in her face. Hi, Alona! Sorry about the crappy way they wrote you out of Veronica Mars, but hey. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are way hotter than Teddy Dunn and whatever that other guy's name is, so it worked out rather well for you, all things considered. "You should know something, miss," Dean begins, a little freaked but still slyly calculating, "when you put a rifle on someone, you don't wanna put it right against their back, 'cause it makes it real easy to do...this!" With that, Dean spins around to yank the shotgun out of her hands and disarm the thing. Alona sucker-punches him in the nose. Hee! Awesome.

As Dean staggers backwards, clutching at his nose and bellowing for his brother, Alona retrieves the gun from his hands and quickly reloads. Or whatever. I think I'm going to have to do something stupid like studying the art of modern weaponry if I'm going to get through recapping scenes like this one. "Sorry, Dean," Sam apologizes, poking his way through the swinging door from the ROADHOUSE kitchen with his hands on his head. "I'm a little tied up now." Well, he's not exactly, but he does have a massive revolver pointed directly at the assy tousle of a mop he's sporting on the top of his head, so it's more or less the same thing. Holding the revolver is Samantha Ferris, whom I know from The 4400, where she plays the head of the government agency in charge of monitoring the genetically altered freaks from the future. She's quite hysterically blasé in that role, too -- like, whenever a bunch of people inexplicably turn up instantaneously mummified or eaten by their pet parakeets or frozen into solid blocks of ice on their toilets, she'll be slightly rolling her eyes at the news as if she's thinking, "Oh, Jesus, what the fuck is it now? I've got Pilates at four." ["Contrary to all expectations, I've loved her on that show, and for this very reason." -- Joe R] Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Ellen wiggles an eyebrow around and asks, "Sam? Dean? Winchester?" Beat. The boys -- Dean still cupping his bruised schnozz -- warily grunt, "Yeah?" in unison. Heh. "Son of a bitch," she breathes before chuckling while dropping the gun to her side and introducing herself as Ellen. Alona's her daughter, "Jo." I hate that name.

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