Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C+ | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Get Religion
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

What looks like a shanty-town on a dark, foggy night. The boys pop the Metallicar's trunk, moving quickly and seriously despite that damn dreamcatcher's wily attempts to make them crack up laughing. Sam asks Dean about the gadgets he pulls from the trunk: "What've you got those amped up to?" and Dean responds, "100,000 volts. I want this rawhead extra freaking crispy. Remember you only get one shot with these things. So make it count." He slams the trunk, and we cut to the boys each holding a flashlight in one hand and a gun in the other, and doing that extended-arms, flashlight-holding hand underneath and steadying the gun-holding hand thing. This move is also known as Tough Guy Jazz Hands. They head down the creaky old staircase into a basement; when Dean reaches the bottom, he does that extended-arm 180 degree swoop. This move is also known as The Policeman's Kick Ball Change. They hear tapping coming from an old wardrobe and approach it quietly. Dean whispers to Sam, "On three," and then counts down to wardrobe infiltration. Theyflingthedoorsopentoreveal...two little chimney sweeps huddled in the corners. They're all woolen and "Please sir? Can I have some more?" I think the stylist must have just came off a Newsies bender. Lord knows I've been there. They nod when Sam asks if the monster is still there, and both brothers usher the kids up the stairs. On their way up, a monster's hand reaches out and grabs Sam's ankle and makes him fall down the stairs. Dean shoots his electricity gun at the monster. The gun shoots what looks like coiled wires, which I guess makes sense, although the gun bears an unfortunate resemblance to an Acme product Wile E. Coyote would buy. Dean's shot misses, and he yells to Sam to get the kids out of the house. Sam tosses his gun to Dean and does as his brother says.

Dean does some more Tough Guy Jazz Hands until a gross scraggly monster screeches out of the corner at him and knocks him to the ground. Dean scrambles over toward his dropped gun, which now lies in a corner covered in a puddle of water, and he shoots the monster right in the chest. The monster lights up with voltage, electricity shooting out his toes. The monster, however, is standing in the same puddle Dean scrambled into, so it's Dean-kabobs for dinner. Kudos to Jensen Ackles's convincing rendition of electrocution; do I smell a serial-killer biopic? Sam rushes back down the stairs to his unconscious brother.

Credits. In the hospital, Sam deals with a kindly nurse asking for insurance. He distractedly fishes a card out of his wallet and she takes it, "Okay. Thank you, Mr." -- looks at the card -- "Berkovitz." And is that a Jewish joke? I don't get it, because it isn't like Jared Padalecki looks like a member of the Aryan Nation. Anyhow, Sam turns away from the nurse to talk to two police officers looming behind him. Except their looming is a total fake-out, as they turn out to be nice and gullible. Sam lies that they were taking a short cut through "the neighborhood" and they heard screaming. The officers thank him, obviously itching to get back to their tap routine, and Dean's doctor comes up to talk with Sam. The doctor gives Sam the news, telling him that the electrocution triggered a massive heart attack that left Dean's heart severely damaged. "We can try and keep him comfortable at this point, but I give him a couple weeks at most." Ouch. Close-up on Sam, who I've never noticed has a wonky right eye, as he insists that there must be some sort of treatment. The doctor says, "We can't work miracles. I really am sorry." Sam takes off down the hall.Dean flips through the channels from his hospital bed. He's looking pretty rough. As Sam approaches the foot of the bed, Dean asks, "Have you ever actually watched daytime TV?" Um, boy went to Stanford for four years, what do you think that degree really stands for? B.A.ys of Our Lives, that's what. Sam tries to talk to Dean about the diagnosis, but Dean keeps quipping about television -- "That fabric softener teddy bear, whoo. I want to hunt that little bitch down" -- and his imminent demise: "Well, it looks like you're gonna leave town without me." Sam tells him to quit it, but Dean keeps on: "You better take care of that car or I swear, I'll haunt your ass." Hee. Oops, I mean, "sob." Sam tells him he's not being funny but Dean is ruthless: "Look, Sammy, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw." Sam responds, "Don't talk like that, we still have options," but Dean's a realist: "I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die."

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