Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C+ | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Get Religion

Cut back to the hotel where Dean expresses disbelief: "Wait, so Marshall Hall died to save me?" Now add some light tapping on a snare and then, as Sam says, "Dean, that guy probably would've died anyway," a wailing Yngwie Malmstein-esque guitar riff. Cut to The Rev with his hand on the head of an old man on oxygen. More wailing guitar. Dean yells at Sam about bringing him there. In the tent, The Rev and his congregation raise their hands. Dean tells Sam that The Rev himself isn't trading lives, that he's getting help from someone else. Cut back to the forest where the young woman is alarmingly out of breath. Cut to me, alarmingly out of breath from flashing too many devil horns at the screen. Cut back to the young woman, who turns around to find Shar-Pei Face standing behind her. We take a brief musical pause here as the guitar holds one tremulously bad-ass note. Dean takes this opportunity to give a "deep down I knew it" speech, leaning over at the exact moment Albert Bouchard* fucking lets loose on the skins. Dean says, "We're dealing with a reaper." Cut back to the forest, where the young woman runs from the reaper, clearly fearing it no matter how many times the now-full-volume Buck Dharma* tells her to not to. The reaper walks calmly behind her while we cut back to the tent where The Rev is laying his hands on Mr. Moldy Oldy. The young woman trips and falls, and as she begins to get up, Shar-Pei Face puts his hand on the side of her head. Her eyes get a pale, dull glaze, and we cut between The Rev with his hand on Moldy Oldy and the reaper with his hand on the poor girl. The girl clearly can't breathe, and she finally keels over. We cut immediately back to the tent, where Shar-Pei Face has appeared to put his hand -- full of life and breath -- on Moldy Oldy's head. The congregation continues with its creeepy raised-hand praying until Moldy Oldy stands up, takes out his oxygen tubes, and takes a deep breath.

*Please note: I learned everything I know about Blue Oyster Cult two minutes ago on Wikipedia. Or maybe I didn't. You'll never know.Commercials. In the hotel, Dean and Sam trade Garbage Pail Kids. Actually, they're trading various line drawings of evil men. Sam asks, "You really think it's the grim reaper?" Dean says no, he's not talking about "the" reaper, but "a" reaper. This time Dean's been the one poking around on, as he says what Sam usually says each week: "There's reaper lore in every culture on earth." Cut to a shot over Dean's shoulder that shows him looking at a line drawing of a be-robed Skeletor type with the word "Famine!" written above it. That exclamation point kills me. Sam challenges Dean, "I thought you said you saw a dude in a suit," and Dean answers, "What, you think he should've been working the whole black robe thing?" Dean says the stopped clock is evidence enough that the villain is a reaper, and I want to pull my hair out over being back in the middle of this boring brotherly game of Which Monster Is It? that we were spared last week. Dean exposits that you can only see a reaper when it is coming after you. Sam does the faraway "I'm thinking" expression before remembering, "That cross!" and then explains he saw an unusual cross in the tent the other night (and, whoops! I neglected to recap that moment in favor of weird Anne of Green Gables reminiscences), and finds that same cross on a tarot card. He blabs, "Tarot dates back to the early Christian era, right, when some priests were still using magic, and a few of them veered into the dark stuff?" I'm sorry but the graves of old Buffy plots and art direction are getting a bit tired of being dug up here. Dean hypothesizes that The Rev is using black magic to bind the reaper, and then Sam finally gets a goodly ridiculous line as he shuffles his little tarot cards: "If he is, he's ridin' a whirlwind. It's like puttin' a dog leash on a great white." Maybe next week, Sam will try to actually put a dog leash on the members of Great White and ride that whirlwind.

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