Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 5 USERS: B
Family Matters

God. ANY-way, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: This crappy sequence. Dreary El Deano and Soulless Sammy tool on up to The Campbell Compound, disembark, and enter to be greeted by Parker Lewis, who's a Scientologist, by the way, as if I needed another reason to hate him. The boys sweep past that particular particularly pointless addition to this show's cast and head back to confront Undead Zombie Grandpa regarding the latter's resurrection, the idea being (I believe) that Soulless Sammy and Undead Zombie Grandpa were likely brought back by the same entity, which should make finding Soulless Sammy's eternal bits a little easier. Or something like that.

"We've been over this," Undead Zombie Grandpa grouses. "Well," Dreary El Deano shrugs, "recap it for our wingman." Castiel has, of course, fluttered in at Undead Zombie Grandpa's side by this point, and why he didn't just teleport everybody over to The Campbell Compound so Dreary El Deano wouldn't waste both time and gasoline driving there, I'll never know, but whatever, because Undead Zombie Grandpa's now working my last goddamned nerve by giving My Sweet Baboo a dismissive once-over with his eyes and pissing, "You're scrawnier than I pictured." "This is a Vessel," Castiel too-patiently explains before adding, "My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler Building." Atta boy. And Castiel, honey? Yeah, over here, 'cause I've got a suggestion: Smite Undead Zombie Grandpa's worthless, wrinkly ass already. Seriously, he's added absolutely nothing to the season thus far, and now that we're about to find out he's little more than Crowley's puppet, he has absolutely nothing to add to the season to come, so please, sweetie, I beg you: Smite the worthless motherfucker already. Please?

Alas, My Sweet Baboo does not run with my quite reasonable suggestion because the funny little people in the television set never run with my quite reasonable suggestions, so let's get through the stupidity that follows as quickly as we can, shall we? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Shut up, Raoul. Anyway, Undead Zombie Grandpa claims he can't remember anything about his resurrection, either, so Castiel fists his torso to discover that, while Undead Zombie Grandpa has many faults, indeed, a lack of soul isn't one of them. The boys proceed to fill Undead Zombie Grandpa in on recent events, and everyone natters at everyone else for a very lengthy period of time until My Sweet Baboo's ears perk up at some distant and urgent summons, and he announces that he must flutter back up to Heaven, pronto. "You're leaving?" Dreary El Deano eyebrows incredulously, all monstrously over-entitled asshole that he's become over the course of the last few episodes. "I'm in the middle of a civil war," Castiel testily reminds him, but Dreary El Deano just snots back, "You better tear the attic up and find something to help Sam." "Of course," Castiel replies. "Your problems always come first." The poor dear's attempting heavy sarcasm in that reply but unfortunately, he falls far short of the goal thanks to his imperfect understanding and mastery of human vocal nuances, so the stumpy little over-entitled prick to whom that reply was addressed thinks Castiel's being sincere. Smug little jackhole.

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