Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 5 USERS: B
Family Matters

...leaping into various vans and pickups and Metallicars to motor on over to The Alpha Vamp's lair, where they arrive just as the sun's rising over the distant farmlands. Undead Zombie Grandpa divvies up the various responsibilities, the most notable of which is, of course, Dreary El Deano's: He's to hang back at the trucks with Girl Campbell to hack apart any stray vampires who somehow make it through the perimeter. Naturally, Dreary El Deano's outraged at this slight, but he bites his tongue and acquiesces to Undead Zombie Grandpa's demands. So, while Undead Zombie Grandpa, Soulless Sammy, Parker Lewis, and about a dozen soon-to-be-dead extras tramp off through the underbrush towards The Alpha Vamp's lair, Dreary El Deano's forced to make small talk with Girl Campbell until...SNAP! A particularly flat-footed vampire underling makes the fatal mistake of stomping all over a nearby twig, so Dreary El Deano and Girl Campbell haul out their freshly sharpened machetes and wait until the flat-footed vampire underling pounces, and should I bother waking Raoul up for what follows? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Nah, it's so totally not worth it.

So, the flat-footed vampire underling pounces, knocking Girl Campbell to the ground before flying at Dreary El Deano's neck. In the tussle that follows, Dreary El Deano manages to get the upper hand for all of two seconds before Vampire Extra knocks him flat on his back, and I'd say things are looking pretty dire for Dreary El Deano at this point were it not for the fact that things are totally not looking pretty dire for Dreary El Deano at this or any other point during this evening's so-called festivities, because this miserable excuse for a Supernatural episode is utterly lacking in suspense. Yawn. Needless to say, Girl Campbell quickly recovers from that vicious knocking-about she so recently suffered at the hands of Vampire Extra, and she leaps back to her feet to lop Vampire Extra's head off. Off-screen, naturally, because this miserable excuse for a Supernatural episode is not only utterly lacking in suspense, but also utterly lacking in violence and gore. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Preach, my scaly friend. Preach.

Dreary El Deano and Girl Campbell next stand around doing nothing until gunshots ring out from the general area of The Alpha Vamp's lair. Over Girl Campbell's strenuous objections, Dreary El Deano takes off through the woods and arrives at The Alpha Vamp's manse just in time to get...

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