Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Get Snuggly, Hugly, Mean and Ugly

...Oklahoma, where Sam confesses to his many, many sins, and it's horribly dull, and then it's...

...Maine, again, where Castiel finally thinks to ask an excellent question. "Why have I returned?" he yells, shouting above the din of the storm raging outside. "Who brought me back?" "Did it ever occur to you," Raphael rumbles, "that maybe Lucifer raised you?" Castiel is shocked and appalled. And very, very wet, what with the rain streaming in through the broken windows, so it's little surprise when he at long last decides to bail on the hovel in favor of the relative warmth and comfort of Metallicar's interior. "I'm warning you," Raphael calls out, still trapped in that ring of fire, "do not leave me here -- I will find you." Castiel considers his options, then chooses to snap, "Maybe one day, but right now, you're my little bitch!" And with that, My Sweet Little Badass Baboo darts out into the rain. Dean barely manages to suppress a delighted giggle as he races out after his angelic boyfriend, leaving Raphael to simmer in silence, alone.

Oklahoma. Redneck The First has produced a vial of demonically enhanced blood from his pocket, with the intention of ramming it down Darling Sammy's throat so The Ginormotron might "Hulk out" and vanquish the hordes up the road a bit, and if I cared, I'm sure I'd insert some sort of joke about not liking Darling Sammy when he's angry, but I don't, and besides, the fisticuffs have begun! "VIOLENCE! [Hic!] VIOLENZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!" Well, at least he's asleep. And if it's Thursday, Darling Sammy's getting thumped, whacked, bitch-slapped, bonked, flipped, cudgeled, flattened, stomped, pinned, and -- in one final blaze of redneck glory -- choked by the vial of demonically enhanced blood getting rammed down his remarkably healthy throat. Their payload thus delivered, the rednecks beat a hasty retreat while gory-faced Sam heaves and shudders and struggles and I AM STILL NOT CARING ABOUT THIS ADDICTION STORYLINE AT ALL and look at that! Valiant Sam has resisted his darkest urges, and is now hocking demonic blood loogies right into his antagonists' faces! I'd cheer, I'm sure, but I'm thisclose to passing in boredom. The fisticuffs recommence, and for whatever idiotic reason, Valiant Sam somehow manages to triumph this time around, and after very nearly decapitating Redneck The First, Valiant Sam pulls his insane shit together long enough to hurl both of The Redneck Twins out the bar's front doors and into the episode's first honest-to-God METAL TEETH CHOMP! Finally!

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