Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 84 USERS: D
It's The Hardy Boys' Party

Anyway, a short time later, the assembled idiots (plus Sam and Dean) wander through one of the floors, wondering what's responsible for the crap they've encountered thus far this evening. Eventually, they find themselves in the den, where the house's last owner -- Freeman Daggett -- left behind various belongings when he died of a heart attack in 1964, including a certificate of commendation for twenty loyal years as a janitor at the local hospital, a raft of C rations and Cold War-era civil defense pamphlets, and a lockbox that includes a text on taxidermy and the toe tags of three people, one of whom died of gunshot wounds and another who was hit by a train. "Ewwwwwwww," Darling Sammy slowly realizes once the implications of the lockbox's contents have settled into that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of his. Hee. Of course, they have to explain to the various douchebag nimrods surrounding them at the moment that the relatively harmless death echoes are trapped in the house because Daggett dragged their corpses home from the hospital's morgue "to play." This elicits a round of Ewwwwwwwws not half as amusing as Darling Sammy's, but no matter, for Dean's about to realize something.

And what he's realizing is that stupid Maggie's broken off from the pack to search for Poor Little Fey Doomed Corbett on her own. Moron. She frightens herself with her own reflection in a mirror until Dashing El Deano pops up behind her to chase her back towards the others. Unfortunately, once they arrive, Dick's EMF shoots off the scale again, and there's more fritzing with the already indiscernible visuals while someone pants that something big is coming, which sounds dirty in a totally gay way, but so totally isn't, because that gay crap is Poor Little Fey Doomed Corbett's job, and besides, it turns out something big is not coming so much as something big is disappearing. Yep, as the cameras fritz, The Ginormotron vanishes right before our eyes, leaving behind his wee bitty flashlight, which clunks to the floorboards over by the desk he'd been hovering above. DUN! "SAM?!" Mighty El Deano would shout into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!, I'm sure, but unfortunately for all of us, the METAL TEETH CHOMP! vanished from this godforsaken episode long before Poor Little Fey Doomed Corbett and The Ginormotron did. Stupid show.

Morton House. Aftermath. Endless hollering of "SAMMY!" and "CORBETT!" is followed by an endless scene in which Maggie turns to Dick for comfort during this, her hour of need, and Spruce quite literally croons "Bamp-chicka-wow-wow" to himself while filming the subsequent macking until Dickless shows up to get all outraged and challenge Dick to a duel for feeling up his adopted sister, or whatever, so Dickless and Dick whip 'em out in an extremely non-gay manner 'cause that gay crap belongs to Poor Little Fey Doomed Corbett and Poor Little Fey Doomed Corbett alone, thank you very much, and finally -- finally -- Dean stompy-clomps over to chew them out in a totally non-gay way, reminding the idiots that they're down two men already, the implication being that such bullshit infighting will result in nothing more than additional casualties. Got all that? Excellent. 'Cause it's time for some...

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