Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 7 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Mock The World Turtle
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle THEN! Loki is Gabriel and Zachariah is dead. I love it when the THEN! is so uncomplicated. Though I should probably point out that it took the THEN! a full minute to impart the above information. Between that, the 45 seconds they wasted on a web series no one asked for, the 30 seconds they blew on the set-up for the fake porn movie, and the twenty-one and a half minutes of commercials, the actual episode's only 36 minutes long. Ooops!

Rattle, Rattle NOW! The NOW! dissolves into a cross-fade almost before it's begun its menacing advance towards the front of the screen, and we end up gazing down upon the cracked and decaying ruins of The Elysian Fields Hotel for a moment before the crane shot starts settling down into the debris-strewn parking lot next to the hotel's long-unlit front sign. Barely visible in the blurry foreground, by the way, is a "CONDEMNED" notice affixed to the darkened "L" in "HOTEL." And as the location card appears to inform us we've landed in Muncie, Indiana, a late-model four-door pulls into the lot and parks adjacent to the ruined lobby entrance. The camera leaps indoors to examine a dingy, cobwebbed call bell abandoned on the front desk for a moment before scurrying around to examine the middle-aged and somewhat doughy rent-a-cop who's unlocked the door and is now attempting to peer around in the lobby gloom. The lobby interior is, of course, a wreck, with ancient boxsprings rotting against the walls, broken furniture remnants littering what remains of the carpeting, and the wiring for long-gone chandeliers dangling from above. The Rent-A-Cop flicks on his flashlight and starts poking around until he hears a sudden harsh clanging noise coming from somewhere deeper within. "Hello?" he calls out. The camera scuttles behind a rusting decorative screen to watch as The Rent-A-Cop warily picks his way across the room -- almost as if, oh, you know, some malevolent supernatural entity is marking his progress! DUN! The Rent-A-Cop finally disappears down an adjoining corridor, passing as he goes an extremely dead potted plant that had been left behind with a bunch of other junk on the concierge station. The instant The Rent-A-Cop's vanished, however, the plant's desiccated leaves quiver and jitter to life, and five unnaturally dark blue blossoms emerge to stretch themselves towards the ceiling in the lobby shadows. DUN! Again!

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