Hello, Cruel World

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A
Did You Know The Hardy Boys Are Utterly Insane?

Cut to The Emporium, where Sam's field-stripping his weapon. Again. "He'll go blind!" I'm pretty sure that's a myth, Raoul. "Oh, thank Heavens!" Presently, the Impala grumbles up outside, and Sam rises to greet his brother, who blows in with news that The Leviathan invasion of Sioux Falls has begun. Dean insists they hoof it on over to Leviathan HQ, pronto, and although Sam raises a few feeble objections related to the current fragility of his delicate little brain, he eventually obeys, and the two head back out to the car.

Sioux Falls General. Bobby pours the still-woozy (and miraculously still-alive) Sheriff Jody into a cab and sneaks back into the hospital morgue to examine the corpse of her former roommate, "Madeline Hackett."

Metallicar. Our Intrepid Heroes chat at each other -- AGAIN, SOME MORE -- only this time around, something seems not quite right with Dean. Hmmmm. The Impala pulls up to a barn-like garage that looks an awful lot like the one in The Emporium's yard, and whaaaaaaa? Dean's alone in the car? And he disembarks to stroll into the actual Emporium's actual kitchen, bellowing for his brother? D'OH! I can't believe this goddamned show fooled me like that. "I feel a little silly myself!" We're idiots, Raoul. "We must be!" You see, while the real Dean was still out on the road, Darling Sammy hallucinated the return of a fake Dean, and now Darling Sammy and Fake Dean are pulling up to the corporate offices of "Morning Star Endeavors Ltd.," and barely has the company's name had a chance to register when the office building turns into a warehouse, and Fake Dean all but giggles, "You think I'm Dean? Riiiiight!" With that, Fake Dean morphs into Lucifer, and bravo, show. Well done. Darling Sammy, of course, freaks, and whips out a pistol to start wildly squeezing off rounds in every direction until Lucifer tells him to do us all a favor and point that frigging gun at his own goddamned head. "VIOLENCE!" Yes. Also: DUN!

Morgue. Bobby pokes around inside the late Ms. Hackett's torso and mutters disgustedly to himself, "It's like a frigging doggie bag in here." "Can I help you?" the just-arriving Doctor Gaines politely inquires. "You can maybe still help this hospital!" the quick-thinking Bobby barks, flashing a fake FBI badge as he hoists the late Ms. Hackett's paperwork into the air and demands, "Who's responsible for this bit of sloppy documentation?" "I know you," the good doctor realizes, advancing upon him. "We saw you," the good doctor smiles, "through the angel's eyes." Bobby snatches up a mallet and whacks the good doctor upside the head, sending the good doctor reeling. "VIOLENCE!" Unfortunately, the good doctor quickly recovers. "Rats!" Even more unfortunately, the good doctor unhinges his lower jaw to unleash a torrent of shitty, shitty CGI into the world. "Woe!" Yep, The Leviathans' true form apparently includes a mouthful of crappy computer-generated fangs encircling a crappy computer-generated snake's tongue, so Bobby has little choice but to blow a round of buckshot into the guy's chest in a desperate attempt to make it all go away. Fortunately, it works, and the good doctor shuts his embarrassing trap to concentrate on expelling Bobby's buckshot from the sucking, oozing hole he's now sporting on his torso. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Bobby, understanding exactly how grievously outclassed he is in this current battle, cuts his losses and flees.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP