Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Do Hollywood
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Attention! Once again, before we begin, Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon would like to take a moment of your time to make an announcement. "Thanks! [Ahem!] Keckler is the bomb! Hee! See what I did there?!" Yes. Yes, we see what you did there, because you did the exact same thing the last time she so graciously agreed to cover the recaplet, RAOUL. "Well! In all my life, I have never been spoken to so rudely! As if I'm expected to remember what I said an entire month ago! Why, I can barely remember that delicious bowl of plump springtime..." You're talking about what you had for breakfast this morning? "Of course!" Don't. "But they were simply...!" No. Do yourself a favor, and don't. "Fine!" And now, on with the recap:

Crackle, Crackle NOT! Again with the leaping right into the middle of the action! I'm beginning to think The Kripkeeper resents us. In any event, the camera fades up on a photogenically moonlit stone cabin as a lone owl hoots in the background. A presumably damp and chilly wind blows across the rickety wooden porch of the thing, pushing the empty two-seater swing back and forth on its creaky chains. Soon enough, as a set of low and ominous horns arrive on the soundtrack, a hyperventilating chippie emerges onto the porch with a flashlight and edges into the yard, angling the beam back and forth into the dark woods beyond. "Mitch?" she calls out in a rather masculine-sounding voice, because she is a brunette. "Ashley?" she continues, forlorn and freaking. "You out here? Come on, guys, where are you?" By the hitching and near-sobs in her voice, we can tell she's absolutely terrified. Normally, of course, we'd be able to tell she's absolutely terrified by what I'm certain are the subtle expressions and cunning facial tics now dancing across the actress's features, but the scene's so goddamned darkly lit, I can barely tell she's human at this point, so it's a good thing for those hitches and near-sobs, now isn't it? Mysterious rustling noises abound around her, only heightening her apparent unease until, just as a screeching set of upwailing strings shrills its way onto the soundtrack to join the low and ominous horns, a man's hand reaches into the frame and latches onto her shoulder. The brunette screams and spins around, only to discover it was actually one of her apparent acquaintances who'd so unadvisedly sneaked up behind her. "Brody!" she chides, but before she gets any further, Brody heaves, "Ashley and Todd! They're dead, Wendy! They're dead!" Brody's seen enough, and wants to haul ass on out of these freaky woods, pronto. Wendy, however, refuses to leave without her sister. Cowardly Brody pays her no mind and sprints off into the darkness on his own -- and we all know how well that's going to work out for him -- leaving Wendy behind to bellow uselessly after his rapidly vanishing form. "God, you son of a bitch!" Wendy eventually howls, pounding a fist of frustration against her forehead until...the camera leaps around to advance upon her menacingly through the underbrush at her back! Wendy whips her head back and forth at the sounds of random twigs snapping around her until the camera pounces. Wendy spins to face it at the last instant and unhinges her lower jaw to...scream?

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