Holy Terror

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C | 166 USERS: A-
Hardy Boy, Your Angels Came Home to Roost

"Relax, I'm not here to out you," Metatron says. "But I am curious -- why Ezekiel?" The angel inside Sam makes a bunch of odd faces. "They say he is a good... and... honorable... angel," he says haltingly. (In case you couldn't tell from all the ellipses in there.) Metatron sighs with understanding. "Everything they say you are not. I see your point, Gadreel." That's how my Closed Captioning spells it, so that's how I'm spelling it, too, as opposed to the more common "Gadriel" variation. The downside is that I keep mistyping it as "Gagreel." The implication gets Gadreel's feathers all in a ruffle. "The stories about me, they are not true!" Except it comes out all in a jumble: TheStoriesAboutMeTheyAreNotTrue! According to Metatron, Gad has spent the past many thousands of years locked up in Heaven's dungeons. For some reason, God stuffed him in there instead of just outright exiling him like, say, Lucifer. "It broke His heart to lock you away, you know," Metatron says. "You were God's most trusted. That's why he chose you to protect the Garden. Your one task was to keep Evil from entering, from befouling his most cherished creation: mankind." Gad says it wasn't his fault that the serpent got inside. He looks like he's going to cry. "What is it you want of me, Metatron?" Metatron sighs and tries to come across like he hasn't planned every word of this speech. "I just want to be your friend," he says. He points out that he was the one who freed Gadreel, along with all the other imprisoned angels, when he caused them to fall from Heaven. "You're welcome," he says when Gadreel just stares at him in shock.

A thought suddenly occurs to Gadreel: "There are no angels in Heaven? None at all?" Metatron says he thought at first that's what he wanted. "But my solitude is getting tedious!" Gadreel tosses his borrowed hair about, and lifts his borrowed chin in stoic fashion, and asks, "And so?" Metatron seizes on Gad's interest: "And so: Plan B!" He says he wants to rebuild Heaven with a chosen few. "No more anemic functionaries like Bartholomew, and no more stupid angels." Well, that excludes 99% of them, right off the bat. Also, wasn't there supposed to be a shortage of angels? Sometimes they act like angels are an endangered species, and sometimes they act like they've got angels out the wazoo. "You were his most trusted, Gadreel," Metatron says. "You want to take back your reputation? You want to reclaim the Heaven that was? We could do this together." Gadreel looks tempted, and maybe a little gassy.

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