Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C- | 2 USERS: B+
The Lord God Your Hardy Boys

Commercials. In the hospital, a cop questions Sam, who confirms -- answering each time with a "yes, sir" awww -- that it was a big man carrying a hook that hurt the Rev. The cop tells Sam that he doesn't like how everytime he turns around he sees him. Dean shows up, waving toward his brother, needing help getting past two cops guarding the corridor. He gets let in and Sam immediately busts on his brother for not burning the bones. Dean insists that he did. The brothers move on to other hypothesizing. Sam thinks the spirit is latching on to Plain Jane, since obviously if it was the Rev, the Rev would have to have a pretty effed-up subconscious to send the Hook Man after himself. Sam points out that Rich came on too strong, Slut Bag tried to turn Plain Jane into a party girl, and her father is having an affair. I love the ridiculousness of this premise. Sometimes girls are just WAY TOO PURE for their own good. They are so pure, they don't even KNOW how pure they are. Their Ids are like disinfecting agents against immorality all over the world. They send out their subconscious purity to fight the excessive boob touching that plagues our country.

Dean returns to the issue of the bones. He swears he burned everything. Sam isn't so sure. Dean is like "No, really." Sam is like "The hook, too?" Dean is like, "Oooh, not so much." They realize together that the hook is part of the spirit, and that by destroying it, they say in unison, "We stop the Hook Man."

Yes! And we're the library. Oh. Page flipping. Musty books. Very little sweating. Dean finds an entry having to do with Jacob Karns's personal effects. They were given back to his church after his execution. His church turns out to be the same church Plain Jane's father preaches at. Sam wonders why, if the hook has been at the church or in the parsonage, no one has noticed a "blood stained silver handled hook." Um, because these people live in a WB show? Dean is all business, having none of Sam's hypothesizing monkey business. I wish Sam would come do some hypothesizing with me, eh? Eh?

Fade to black, which is great because I could use a new scene as I was getting bored of hot boys poring over books. Fade in boys. Poring over old musty books. Sigh. Sam finds in the records mention of the hook getting reforged. Now it's his turn to sigh. "They melted it down. Made it into something else."

So you know when I sat down tonight I thought, there is nothing I'd like more than to obsessively watch a show about two boys wandering around looking for a piece of metal. I have TiVo, so I could pretty much watch whatever I want. I could have chosen a show about awesome jackasses yelling at one another while clinging to spinning alligators and having secret ovary cancer ["Go Tina and Kenny!" -- Joe R], or I could have chosen a show with inspired Shakespearean dialogue and incisive cultural commentary, or I could have chosen a show where real live men's necks actually attempt to swallow their chinless faces. But instead I thought, no, nothing like that. Instead I choose walking. And some wandering. A tiny bit of sweating thrown in. And then some more walking and questing for a piece of metal. Yes, that is what I choose.

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