Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C- | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Lord God Your Hardy Boys

The Metallicar pulls up at night in front of a tremendously bad green screen -- er, I mean church. The boys exposit that Plain Jane is at the hospital so they have to break in. Sam picks the parsonage and they split up. Dean tells Sam not to go rummaging around in her underwear drawer. Dean stokes a fire, I guess in the basement of the church. He's tossing lots of metal onto it. Sam comes down with a small sack of stuff that he thought looked silver. They continue tossing things onto the fire when the ceiling starts creaking. They rush upstairs and bust into the church with guns drawn. It's just Plain Jane praying and crying. Dean returns to the immolation and Sam goes up to Plain Jane. Plain Jane starts blubbering about realizing she is to blame for conjuring an avenging angel. Um, okay. I guess religious girls are pretty quick on the supernatural uptake. Sam tries to comfort her, but she says that she killed Rich, Slut Bag, and nearly her father, but that none of them needed punishing, only she does. I'll say. This girl can't take a hand on the shoulder or sip a damn margarita while watching a movie with friends once in a while? During her monologue, Hook Man starts flashing on and off the screen, moving toward Sam and Plain Jane. Air whooshes and the two start looking alarmed. The candles go out and we cut to black.

Commercials. Upon return, we're right in the middle of it. Sam tries to rush Plain Jane down into the basement with Dean, but Hook Man appears right in front of them. They take off in the other direction, but he just appears in front of them again. Grunting and clanging and screaming. Hook Man is so, so dark I won't bother making fun of how he clearly stole his coat from the set of I Know What You Did Last Summer and won his ratty old wig during a low stakes, pot-fueled all-night poker game with Freddy and Jason. He keeps lashing his hook about, and finally gets Sam one good, but we can't tell where because all we see is Sam grimacing in pain. I really, really hope he didn't get Sam in the spot that counts. Plain Jane goes careening across the floor, pulled by Hook Man's unstoppable supernatural powers. Well, unstoppable only until she runs into the Oriental rug on the floor, which brings her right to a stop. Hook Man is like, "Drat! I did not factor carpeting into my evil plan!" Sam runs to her, and tries to pull her up. He glances up and Hook Man is right there, whacking him across the face and sending him flying into the bookcase. I LOVE it when they fly into bookcases. Almost as much as when they Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka right onto a flimsy Ikea coffee table. Things aren't going so well when Dean runs up, tells Sam to duck, and shoots Hook Man full of rock salt.

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Supernatural

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